Can you keep a secret?

I feel puzzled when people ask me whether i can keep a secret

If i answered yes. would you divulge your heart talk to me?

and what are the chances of people answering a no ?

so,

can i keep a secret?

there are some that remained secret until today, and will vanish with me in the grave

and there were times that i caved in and let some cats out of the bag

better tell me your secret

i could be your best listener,

better keep it to yourself

because i could be the perfect raconteur.

爱没有错

爱没有错
词：循宇 曲： dcdarren

雨季角落 某个你敲醒美梦
紧握回忆的手 自己走进心碎之后
轻步地走 享受刺痛的温柔
等待晴空雨中 纪念每段日落的感动

一地沉默 惊醒漂流的轮廓
长梦醒的午后 抚平每次诉说的寂寞

爱让我懂了 没错
时间歌颂着我的脆弱
爱让你懂了 没错
交错停在某个美丽的心中

爱没有错 只是我们太执着
爱没有错 只是我们搞不懂
这错过 忘了锁 拼凑了陌生朋友
复制难过 泪眼中散落

爱没有错 只是我们太冲动
爱没有错 只是没有你和我
捂住耳朵 呼吸着别人的梦
聆听曾经的我

张开了手 缅怀着继续圆梦
期待未来的我

attention please.

we taught ourself how to grab attention since we were young

you spill the milk on the floor

you burn the math teacher's car

you date all the popular girls in your college

by the time you reached 23,

you're an expert, an attention whore,

knowing exactly how to turn eyes to you.

but

how hard your body have to try

to win over your attention?

麥當當之戀

詞曲 ：dcdarren

就這么簡單

愛上了你

就這么簡單

就前幾天在麥當當的快餐店

技術上是你為我準備早點

或許丘比特在忙著換餐卷

快看清我 你未來的boy friend

多看你一眼

就算還不曾交接

仍然努力放電

多看你一眼

知道我要的情節

下一秒會出現

不想天天都汽水薯條加Big Mac

想你親手為我煮個快熟面

一見鐘情的戲只差你那一眼

快看清我 你未來的boy friend

只求你多看我一眼

尖锐

尖锐

music lyric : dcdarren

你的话怎么那么尖锐

断绝我们再度复合的 机会

曾经深爱过谁

如今却淌着血

你的话怎么那么尖锐

或许不会有暧昧的机会

安慰你不给

刺痛我的心扉

伤人的词汇， 你要不要收回 ？

the dry cloth.

not trying to squeeze a dry cloth for water.



ok. i tried. but it doesnt work this way.


if the mind is a piece of cloth, and creativity is water.
then i should start looking for the source.


where

is my watertap

want to write you a letter.

I wanted write you a letter,
but i couldnt remember what i wanted to write,

couldnt remember your address
couldnt remember your last name
and i couldnt remember what to write

so,
i folded the letter into half and keep it underneath,
so that i can continue when i remember things again.

after a very long long while,
i still couldnt remember why i wanted to write to you,
i couldnt remember why i kept the letter underneath,
couldnt remember who i wanted to write to.

couldnt remember you.

Lunch box.

I still carry my breakfast in lunch box every morning

from big, round,square bulky boxes

just bought a compact one that is just nice to put in my laptop bag

and another green one as a gift

isnt that cute?

i need to write something.

i need to write something
i need to write something
i need to write something
i need to write something
i need to write something
i need to write something
i need to write something write on







i am done.

colour.

after 22 years of uncertainties
i think i have to make up my mind and settle for a favourite color
so the next time someone asks "whats your favourite color?"
i'd be able to give a firm answer

i grew up believing that blue is my favourite colour.
like, fated to be.
i dont know where this theory came from, but
blue is the colour for boys, red is the colour for girls

i think i like white, so pure and clean
i think i like black, blends well yet so elegant
i think i like yellow, how it would stand out from other color
i think i like red, i have had too many belongings in red
i think i like purple, the color of infatuation

i guess its too hard for a gemini to decide his favourite colour.

how?

爛借口

music lyrics : dcdarren

車廂里的沉默 我問你怎么了
你微笑望著我 卻沒有回應我些什么
愛情快到盡頭 是不是想逃走
是你 回避我的眼眸

pre
你自私的冷漠
吹毀我的煽動

*
全都是借口 你給的
無盡的理由
再一次把我慫恿
離不開留下又痛

很爛的借口 你給的
我們的以后
你寫下全劇終
你說你愛我 可是你要走

車廂里的沉默 我終于明白了
就算你沒有說出口 我心里早有數
愛情快到盡頭 卻剩我一個人走
是我 期待你會回頭

Eta.

the back of my hand.

i passed this streets for a thousand times

drove down the road over and over again

but i wouldnt say i know it like the back of my hand

because i doesn't really know much about the back of my hand.

fyi i play football.

hola,

i am typing this now with a sprained ankle from a futsal game.

you might not know this but i play the sport all the time.

i was a fanatic football fan

and had dreams to play in the EPL or at least make it into the Perak Youth team.

i skipped too many classes to play football in school uniform.

and this is what i get. damn.

i'm a book person.

i hardly read anymore

but i like books.

i like the smell of books

i like the graphic on book covers

i like the scene of someone reading on the couch in a sunday afternoon

i like the way they look when they were arranged on a big bookshelf

so i thought it is fair for me to say that i am a book person.

although i don't really read anymore.

i had an very interesting topic to write on.

i had an very interesting topic to write on,

it came to my mind when i was bathing, like 15 minutes ago.

and that was the last thing i remember.

i have always been a forgetful person all my life

i need to look for my keys everytime before i go out

i lost infinite number of pens all my life

and few days ago i left my car in the office and went home without it

and same incident happened again, few days ago.

can anybody tell me how can i help my pathetic memory,

someone told me something might help,

but i have forgotten about it.

and i am writing this now because i have forgotten the topic

that i am supposed to write on.

happy birthday.

happy birthday, darren.

i turned 23 when the clock ticked itself to 12am, on the 8th of June.

there was no birthday music playing, 1am still looked the same, the world moved on,
on the 8th of June.

and the fact that i am getting older excites me in some way.



thanks to those who remembered my birth date.

宅男告白日记.

lyrics n music : dcdarren

wao 星期天都不去

wao 我只想待在家里

wao 动漫第八十一集

伸伸懒筋  网路游戏

快熟面充饥

wao 期待明天的来临

wao 气象台预告天晴

wao 旧巷子口的阶梯

右手转进

左边望西

我会看到你

我好想大声对你说

只能害羞 装冷漠

这样擦肩而过

你记不记得 我?

我不敢大声对你说

只能躲在背影

等下星期  我再见你

要鼓起所有的勇气

说给你听

wao 不能再这样下去

wao 甩开中分的压抑

wao 穿星期五的心情

换个发型 胸膛挺起

大步跨向你

我好想大声对你说

不再害羞 装冷漠

这样擦肩而过

你记不记得 我?

我好想大声对你说

不再躲在背影

等下星期  能再见你

会鼓起所有的勇气

请认真听

爱上你 已经四十一个星期

想和你 享同一个耳机

靠在我的肩膀看戏

要你填满我日记

我只想轻声对你说

要你害羞 装冷漠

这样眼神交错

会不会爱上 我?

我很想大声对你说

我要做你背影

要每星期  都见到你

收集你周围的空气

仍在序

so close to the TV.

when i was young,
i wanted to wear spectacles so much,

that i put my eyes so close to the TV,

so close to the tv

so close to the tv

so close to the tv

so close

so close.

'' '''''

'''

'




at the age of 22,
my eyesight is almost perfect.

Another Friday.

Its friday again.

i love friday, just like everyone else 

like how everyone else would look forward to the weekend ahead

 

i despise friday,

because it reminds me how fast week by week is passing me by

friday morning, 

i am having a monday morning mood from last last last monday.

FGIFA

i still haven't feel the pain yet.

i still haven't feel the pain yet,
when my computer crashed and all the memories went down the drain.
i lost everything.

if losing something is a sickness
and losing everything is pretty much like an incurable disease
sometimes i wondered if i am supposed to cry over it, or be dead in 2 days time?
have you ever thought that you lost everything,anyway?

but i came to know that, everything is not that important after all.

because i am still here,



and i am my everything.

Turn off the phone.

i hate to admit that, but

for me.

it has become as much as an addiction as snacking on junks or smoking.

when the phone is turned off,
you feel like you're out of the loop.

and
start worrying about how people would worry what were we thinking about them when their text or calls are not returned


when the phone is turned off,
the world moves on.

LAP5723-07.

LAP5723-07 108-8
Have you ever wonder what those numbers on the box of mints mean
could be a serial number
could be the winning number when they decide to have a lucky draw later
could be meaningless

Chuah Kong Wooi
Have you even wonder what the alphabets on your identification card means
could be a mistake your parents made 23 years ago
could be a name people would always mention 23 years later
could be meaningless

could be anything else,
just like the numbers on candy box.

the weather is really that hot or its just me?

im holding my sweat on the tip of the glands

holding my breath

consciously knowing that another celcius would break the sweat free

and i can almost picture the cup of chilled milk beside me

evaporating

when the weather is not hot enough to kill you
chilly enough to keep you from fainting

this is the time when you do silly things like

going near the fridge not for the food

strip naked although it wouldnt help much

or fanning your self with the same hot air around you

as hot as slices of beef melting in you mouth.

back to the simple.

i want to back to the time when
everything was easy

now i find it very hard to do things the simplest way
like how i used to
like how
fried eggs could be easily become the tastiest food on earth


like how
untitled melodies used to play in my head
and all i had to do was to write it down

but not how i have to write melodies in my head now
just to play it out

actor.

someone important in my life taught me that we have to be a good actor to survive in this wild wild world
but who says, just be yourself ?

strange contradiction. but are you a good actor?

ok, i am bad actor and a good actor.

bad because of my limited facial expression,
okay,okay, limited to only two
there's only two expression, the smiley, and the "trying hard to look serious" look
that crossed any possiblities for being an actor at all

good because,
it would be near imposible to read my mind
or anticipate my next move


blessing in disguise?

TV.

I Switch ON the TV,

and all i could see is Advertisement.

i'm a marketing graduate,

and i can't help but to think of how the TV stations are getting paid by these corporations just by getting US to watch the craps we doesn't want to watch.

crap.

Thats why i hate the idiot box.

i explained to myself.

it really takes me some while to gather enough determination to clean my room
that explains why my room would probably be messy most of the time
until the next time i have the urge to clean it up again.

yea, excuses.

perhaps its not the lacking of determination
its just my high level of tolerance
which once and over and over again letting mess-up lingers below the limit
knowing that it would eventually touches the line
for me to decide to clean the room again.


thats more like the reason, i explained to myself.

好運啊。

你相信好運會有用盡的一天嗎？
雖然大半輩子都是靠不錯的運氣 混到如今的
但我不時都會懷疑
尤其是當一些無緊要的小不景氣 發生在我身上

"就像今天， 這倒眉的一天"


但然後
每當好事又在次降臨
很輕易的又被它説服了自己 是世界上最好運的人

"我真的很沒志氣"

啊
好運啊 你快回來

啊
好運啊
今晚閉上眼之后 和睡去之前
知道我明天睜開眼
就會是2009年四月14號第一件發生在我身上 的好事



其實也不錯。


晚安了， 世界。

my coffee song.

written years ago, still one of my fav set of lyrics!


喜欢这个钟点 Cappuccino 的香味
懒洋洋的空气 还睁不开眼
这sunday 有一杯 热咖啡
才算我的 brand new day


一个人的午后 还有mocha 来相陪
若天空下起雨 就更有感觉
如果你 又能及 时出现
这一天 就太完美

pre-chorus

咖啡因在捉弄
爱上你太冲 动
Starbucks 的相遇 就像一场梦~
想见你的心情
有咖啡的 浓
我一口接一口



*
当咖啡遇 见 糖的那一天
苦涩溶化成了香甜
虽然是 黑白配
但只要 在一杯
就算缺了一秒 也会底头想念

当我遇见你的那一瞬 间
仿佛失去了味 觉
突然发现 那咖啡
都是一样的taste
只要有你在的画面
都一样的甜~*



又到了 12点 一杯 latte 来安眠
不用啤酒也能 够把我灌醉
oh Tonight 脑海里都是你
苦苦又甜甜的滋味

can i hear you?

i can't help but to wonder
what song is playing thru their earphones

it makes it harder to guess
when
they have the same straight face

that doesn't match any genre of music.

please enlighten me.

routine.

you woke up this morning at the same time with the same alarm tone,
after the same sun rose at the same side,
dragged your feet off the bed the same way,
had the same breakfast
do all the same thing you need to
just to walk out the same old exit of your same old house.

u don't like routines, do you
because i don't

you walk the streets that you'll have to walk for years to come
strangers, they have the same old face
you're sick with the same paper work,
dealing with the old stubborn boss,
waiting for 21 one day to end,
waiting for the same thing.

you call the same boy friend, the same number,
he pickup the phone, with the usual "hello"
the familiar voice and tone, the same topic that you'll usually chat about
the same warmth thru the phone.
you're happy with it, as always.

i don't like routines, do you?

you lived through the same script that life has written for us
you walked the same old path,
you end up in the coffin just like everyone else would.

how scary, routines.

how about waking up without the alarm,
fire your boss that pay you for the time of your life,
pop up infront of her door for a lil sweet suprise.

why is everyone doing the same old thing.?

not to convince you im a freak.

not to convince you im a freak,
but i had double personalities
once an anti social but now a social-bee wanna-be
doesn't read much but act like a geek
if you found me on the street lonely
that'd be as good as striking the lottery
and but yeah, i don't have a roomie.

hey, not trying to convince you i'm a freak
i have a tidy life but the room is always messy
most of the things have been messy anyway.
you might find me funny, you might find me arty, you might find me creepy
hey, speak to me and decide where to put me

jeez.

not to convince you i'm a freak,
but im not your ordinary meat.


hope you'll find me.

struggle.

I think it is time,
to quit internet.

but i'm typing this on the internet,and without internet, no one would be able to read this.
but my company operate on internet, without internet my company would close down.
but there were so many friendships kept alive with the help of internet.

but then again, i hate the feeling of addiction
but then again, everything little thing in internet seems so unreal like it would vanishes the any time
but then again, the more social life i have on the line, the less i have in the real world.

it took me two days to decide that it is imposible to quit internet.
but it would be great if i can cut down my personal time on it.
i'm not sure if this is the right thing to do,
but i'm sure there's nothing wrong about it.

coffee song playing.

Chilly weather,
view of the busy town,
and a cup of old town white coffee makes it all complete.

what a good start of the day!

the present.

sometimes it could be scary just to think about how
how you would regret in the future with the things that you had done in the past,
which is the present.
you laughed at your own hairstyle in the old photo albums
you could have a lil more courage to talk to that girl
you should have spent a lil more time talking to your brother

10 years after today,
you might regret for not doing something more constructive than reminiscing the past that you could never turn back to.

the scariest part is that you will never know what is the right thing to do now until the present became the past and the past is irreversible.
that somehow someday you'll look back and feel remorseful for something.
it is knowing that this cycle will never end.

d.c.

-i risked my life for this pic

A simple combination of alphabets, symbols, or numbers
has no meaning to the passer by.
but it could mean something special to some people

lovers like to make up their own abbreviations to communicate
they use their birthdate for the password in facebook

"7" means forever...

there's no black and white
you defined it yourself where no one else would know

and when those combination came together
you'd know it represents some part of you

should i quit listening to my own tracks.

while driving, i like to listen to CDs instead of the radio stations
is this a sign that i am isolating my self from the outer world?
yes i am gemini, but the everchanging trait doesn't apply on my music preference
tell me whats on the radio today?, please?

how could i say that i was open to the world?
when the half of the population were listening to the weekly top hits
and i'd probably playing a single track for the 233 times, this week
its like choosing storybook over newspaper
your own room over an holiday
memories over a runaway


i was left behind by the world
because i left the world behind


should i quit listening to my own tracks?

how to talk to anyone.

talking to strangers make me feel good
i just spoke to the stranger in the gym
we started off with ourselves
went out herself
and ended with ourselves

the fact that we're always in the flood of strangers
why not try talk to the lonely old man next table
the shy kid that you caught hiding from your eye contacts
and the lady heading to 7th floor

it used to be a daunting task for me
and now,
i think im pretty close to what i always wanted to be!

OKOK, i admit.
i secretly read the book "how to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere"
by Larry King.


...

Happy Valentines, 86400.

86400
Music : Darren Chuah
Lyrics : Darren Chuah
Arrangement : Darren Chuah

某某某日期
某某某一个天晴
大约四时二十一
只剩下我和你

等了半世纪
花了半秒爱上你
三百六十五天里
我只想靠近

多几厘米
地心引力 把我推向了你

怎么今天总是想到你
自动浮现在我脑海里
吃的 听的 看的 和想的
都和你有关系

怎么今天总是想到你
会不会有一点太频密
八万六千四百个点滴
都勾着你人青影

24／7
每当送你回家去
油门踏得特别轻
多几分钟看你

27度C
太热是我还是因为你
不知道是不是天时人和地利
你突然靠得好靠进

能不能再多几厘米
地心引力 把我吸进了你

Happy Valentines !

breakfast.

do you know that breakfast is an important part of my life?

for the past few years i think i have not skipped the first meal of the day













breads, cornflakes, cheese, milk are the things i hate, but have been eating almost everyday for the past few years
if i got (un)lucky or time, i might have some tasty delicious unhealthy food, sometimes

i dont know if its the metabolism, or the health consciousness, or its merely the trend that i want to swim against

but breakfast has been an important part of my life.

im something between a glutton and a healthfreak who checks on the nutritional value on food label.

good enough to explain my healthy habit.

go!

i just thought that
you dont have to be good in anything to be an artist.

whether you're metaphorically screwed or grammatically disabled
or colorblind
or grown up a tone deaf

passion can kick you off and keeps you on,
with the correct mindset
lil creativity would bring you further.

grab your brushes,
there you go!

手机有时不接 (You're an arsehole)

Music : Darren Chuah
Lyrics : Darren Chuah
Arrangement : Darren Chuah
Producer : : Darren Chuah
Singer : : Darren Chuah
Backup Vocal : Darren Chuah
Backup Vocal arrangement : Darren Chuah
Guitar : Darren Chuah
Bass : Darren Chuah
Mixing Engineer : Darren Chuah
Recording Engineer : Darren Chuah
Hair Stylist : : Darren Chuah

手机有时不接
信息总是敷衍
有多少天没看你的脸
是我刚刚发现
还是已经半年
你是冰淇淋却已不甜
偶尔会想想我们从前

好想要听你说 你不爱我
看看我会不会真的难过
很想听你说你不想我
让我尝一尝那种滋味
你不爱我的那种滋味

约会太过boring
你只顾 sms
怎么都不看我一眼
明白 是你已经改变
爱去年已冻结
时间麻醉了疼的感觉
你这冰淇淋已经不甜

就请你快快说 你不爱我
看看我或许会有些难过
请你你快快说 你不想我
让我尝一尝那种滋味
我想会很痛快的滋味

是我 是我
想离开你 却又不想说出口
是我 是我
太过懦弱
就求求你 能不能说出口

求你快快说 你不爱我
"that's right you're an arsehole"
听你说你不爱我
我真的没一点感觉
爱不爱你只隔一条线
爱不爱我都没有分别
早点分开会好过一点

on productivy i.

research has shown that every worker spent an average 2 hours on ineffective activities during their office hours.
people like me contributed alot to the number, especially on days like this.

like how?

have i told you that my boss caught me red-handed on facebook
it felt like the toilet walls suddenly collapse when you're doing your business and suddenly you find yourself in the busy street.

because being darren there will always be reasoning(excuse) for every little action i take
so i just thought that the reason for the two hours of unproductivity was due to the other 6 questionable productive hours.

sometimes i wish someone up there would just block my internet access to anywhere else
so that i could do my job better.

for now i'd just blame them for giving me too much flexiblity.

there were too many things that i need to concentrate in.

there were too many things that i need to concentrate in,
just to end up losing focus in each and everyone of them.

unpressed shirt and tunes that were not in the playlist,
the alarm rang at 7.45 just to miss the box of cereal i bought sometime ago.
i inserted my key into the door knob and stumbled out the door,
nobody watered the pathetic plant because its not their job.
smiles in an envelope
ever busy traffic
and the chocolate cake.

i have too many things that im supposed to concentrate in,
thats why i lost focus to each and everyone of them.











Photo frm : Umarklite

on silent.

im starting to hate ringtones or whatever tones whenever someone's calling
and i don't know why.

its okay for me to pick up calls at any hours,
i'm making this statement with the risk of not getting any call from my friends ever again
maybe its the situation where the phone is whining for attention like a whore got me annoyed

nevertheless, i have to conclude that i might not be able to make it without her.



ah the phone is ringing on silence again.

frozen banana.

i left the banana frozen in the fridge

i wouldn't find out how chilly banana would taste like

i could have just ate it just like that

carefully peeled its skin off

hm, it tasted like ice cream

banana flavored.

a poem.

my cat on the mat
and she's getting mad
she's very hungry but im still on my bed
snuggling with my blanket
holidaying in hawaii waiting for sunsets


i wake up in the middle of the night and change my underpants
i dont have a pet nor mat

sad.

08/09.

if i could summarize my 2008 into one word




i would not.

and i decided to throw away all the "resolutions", they never pan out anyway
i haven't even publish the post i wrote for new year 2008

did you lost the weight?
did you stopped smoking?

read that book?

NOs.

New Year’s resolutions are a way of convincing yourself that you deserve a brand new start after a shitty year. they rarely become reality,

so get rid of them now.

Happy New year my friends.

the best singer in street 14,cathalucan.

can i just close my eyes and ears
choose not to see and listen

if i say that every sight of them and every note they sing could cut a piece of me away and sink my confidence inches by inches



leave me alone!

even i might not be able to beat the rest just by being myself.

Merry X'mas.

My Christmas wish this year

is to have snow flakes on my shoulder
people and presents around the corner
and more food

















on next Christmas

who allow us to make wishes on Christmas anyway?

Merry Christmas!

Please support local music.

because when we have no choice
This is the line we use to get people to listen

this is how bad the situation is, and its getting worse, i wonder if you realized,too
when music meets reality
we'll have to succumb to the cruel world

gravity always win.
it always will.
but still we tried everyway to fight that
even by using an excuse that wasn't even supposed to be the reason why they should listen to you

i dont know bout you, and whats your prime intention
but im selfishly doing it for my self,

hehe.

白日梦里的剧情

词曲编 dcdarren
Download this song

躺在草原 上看星星
肩靠肩 山顶赏夜景
你轻声说 好美丽
你的侧脸 更美丽

自导自演 我的电影
凭空想象 所有场景
Paris铁塔 那场吻戏
女主角 当然是你

好想要靠近
好想要靠近
好想把你 拥入我的怀里

好想要靠近
就算只能想象而已
我白日梦里的剧情
想说给你听

梦境吞没 我的理性
明知虚幻 却不愿清醒
全都因为 梦的是你
怎能叫我 不着迷

好想要靠近
好想要靠近
好想把你拥入我的心里

好想要靠近
就算只能想象而已
我白日梦里的剧情
只说给你听

simple plan to fall asleep.

i hate to see the clock at 1.18 am
this is when i know i am not supposed to look at the clock or any other things around or outside the room or do any other unimportant things on any other place other than the bed
when i knew i needed sleep no matter how i dislike it it wouldn't change the fact that 1.19am supposed to be bedtime for me

i'd take my time to notice that i am actually holding the urge to let myself refrain myself from falling asleep.

at 1.22am


I'd draw up a short plan for myself to off the room lights at 1.30am and lie onto the bed on the same minute. that plan will exclude any music intake and it is as simple as a 3 step close

-blank your mind,
-close your eyes,
-its time to say goodbye.

at 1.30am

I'd make the final decision to go with the plan,
goodnight.

firm.

every sip.

trust me,

every sip of you that i take
makes me feel like a junkie.














who would want to be a junkie over something if they had a choice.


i had a choice,

now i don't.

slim.

what are the chances of bumping into someone somewhereelse
in this small small world?

chances are slim,
slimmer than paper and thinner than air
but it always happened.

all the time.


why?

anyway.

Anyway,
i shouldnt have start a paragraph this way,
but it doesn't matter anyway
and i could easily end this with anyway, anyway.

waltz of eruption.

i have warned my self over and over again,
that this thing, something might explode
if i still not let it out

but who says that i know the whats the maximum capacity?
179 tracks
humming and mumbling
that has yet turned into masterpieces.

let me out,
give me a pen and paper
let me out,
bring my guitar and recorder


before i erupt with broken tunes.

badly lucky.

bad things stopped happened to me
after a strings of unfortunate events
i lost my way in the city
i wasted so much times waiting
i was soaked in pressure
and the insides of the pau spilled all over my shirt.

its over!

luck will eventually fall on me again isn't it ?

i have always been a lucky guy,
just because bad luck chose to come at once shot.


today, the first good thing happened to me,
and i'm oh so positive on weeks to come.



im a lucky asshole.

Bye bye,

written by : dc ,ivan
-
要等的车开走了
落单了留我一个
its okay
告诉自己会回来的
-
你开口说要走了
你怎么那么舍得
oh baby
我想你不会再回来了
-
怎么了 怎么了 你变了
怎么了 我票都买了
我们的。

-
爱已不在 就沉默离开
我明白 或许应该看开
永远的车辆 来不及上
只是留下遗憾
-
你早已离开 我还在徘徊
不明白 你或许不回来
握不住的爱 我不勉强
至少能调头来 说byebye

i'm not kelvin.

my name is not kelvin.
-
how did you feel the moment when you decided to call me kelvin? was that out of impulse and reflexes?
-
my mum and aunt nearly named me anthony 14 years ago.
-
how did you feel the moment when you can see from my face that you might got the wrong name? might not.
-
there were times that i hated my name, but she said that she could guess my name's darren just by looking at me from the first sight.
-
how did you feel the moment when you realized you should called me darren instead of kelvin?
-
"i'm darren, im not kelvin"

spinning.

the fan has no reason to stop spinning,

the clock has no reason to stop spinning clockwise,too.

my mind was wandering nearby and it almost stopped spinning

-

-

so many little things are spinning all the time

-

in this stagnant afternoon.

tag.

how good if there were tags on every object we see,

like a sandwich is a sandwich.

by then we would know even a sandwich does not look like a sandwich.

-

how good if there were tags with some details on every object we see,

like a sandwich, a garden sandwich with raw lettuces and tomatoes with smokey tuna and thousand island

so we wouldn't have to guess what's inside of it.

and the fact that we wouldn't be able to see.

-

-
What would be your tag.
-

-

-
we need a big tag.
-

-

-

-
we're complicated.

fridge.

have you ever wonder how would it be like

to be caught in the fridge.

i love the fridge, as a child.

it has always been one of my favorite door to open.

but i just thought that it wouldnt be that fun to get caught in there,

after you finish the chocolates and cookies mum put in it,

and after you got sick skiing on ice cubes and playing with snowballs making snowmen

and sometimes you'd miss getting away the 34'c by hiding inside your room.

-

i guess the fridge isn't a good spot for a runaway.

你走了.

編曲作詞作曲 ：dc
-
有沒有行李
是什麽心情
是不是坐在靠窗看風景.
那裏是目的地
還是要流浪去
知不知道我在想你
-
是什麽事情讓你下決心恨心
丟下養了多年的金魚
微波爐我還未學會開啓
晚餐該吃些什麽東西
-
你走了 到我不懂的位置
用最輕鬆的方式
沒有溫度的信紙
告訴我你當時很理智
-
你走了 誰都來不及制止
像個任性的孩子
帶走孤單的鑰匙
忘了為我解開 才告辭
-
你沒有行李
沒什麽心情
也沒有坐在靠窗看風景
你沒有目的地
也不想流浪去
你不知道我在想你
-
還未告訴你
孤單的夜裏
記得聼聼寫給你的歌曲
你什麽都沒有帶走 也沒留下什麽
我發現時候 你已離開我

so that nobody would realize that i procrastinated i.

could you wind my watch without letting me know?

so that nobody would realize that i procrastinated?

my subconscious mind would believe that it is the actual time

although i might aware that it is not.

-

but the sight of the longer arm of the clock might be able to cheat me

to take less time on the bed waiting for the second alarm

to not to read on the throne

to get to the car with a brisk pace instead of lazy back

-

what time is it now?

i rather believe the false time on my left wrist

please, tell me im ahead of the actual time,

so that no one would realize that i procrastinated.

me and my guitar.

these tend to happen when i carry the guitar around

-

the security guard would be very surprised that i even have a guitar

the auntie in the lift would ask me whether i just came back from a guitar lesson

the passer-by would stare at my bag like they suspect there's a M-16 in it

-

i start to wonder how do i look beside my guitar?

is it very much like a Seal and Heidi's awkward combination

or i simply doesn't look like a guitar person?

-

how to tell them,

how to tell them that i know guitar a lil more than that?

You.

You
Written and performed by : dc
Music Arrangement by : Flz dc

You
painted blue the sky
rose and shone some morning
blanket up my nights
-
You
live in every corner
and every steps i travelled
would lead me back to you, youyou you you.
*
It's all about you
the proses on the window
every note i sang of
as im craving for every bit of you
-
I'm thinking bout you
as i watch the raindrops
with nothing else to dream of
cause' every little things i see
reminds me of you, you, you, you.
*

*

You painted blue the morning

rose and shone some nights

blanket up my sky

dear hamburgers.

i like to eat hamburgers, i really do.
i always have the urge to write about something i like,
therefore i'd like to dedicate my 228's post to my favorite food - hamburgers.
-
i just thought that it is one of the greatest invention, after tomato ketchup.
-
it is one of the few food that you could eat with only your left hand while driving,
and end up reaching home with a filled stomach.
-
it is one of the simplest dishes a bachelor can pick from a recipe
and later tell his mom that he can freaking cook.
-
if you ask me to fill up biodata information , like how primary students were asked to,
i'd write "Hamburgers"
-
at the "My Favorite Food" column.
hehe.

vintage.

i liked vintage stuffs, too.

they implied a higher value as they age,

since the theory of time is inevitable

there's no reason to swim against the current.

-

-

-

all of us tried to. no?

-

you painted your house

i polished my guitar

she's using wrinkle-decrease serum on her face

-

-

-

it seemed like scratches can be the best expression of some belongings

like ur daddy's jacket or his old car

-

it seemed like imperfection is the only way to define who we were.

a band.

would you be my drummer,

could you play the piano,

and how about the keyboard and the guitar frets?

don't forget the bass

a sexaphone would be great

if your voice's sweet maybe we could duet

and a violin would be icing on the chocolate mud cake

-

lets come together and make music,

i hope its not too late,

not too late.

where are we going from here?

drift and sail

a voyage without destination

do you call that a thrill?

or a surge of uncertainty

-

we brought the map and the navigator

we studied the knots and different types of wind that might come upon

we knew well that we're going to get there someday

-

but

where are we going from here?

-

-

follow the stars and the ocean swells

pray to god.

growing old.

if you had to pick an age to be for your whole life,

knowing that you would just stay that age and never grow older,

what age would you pick?

-

would you pick 4,

so the only thing you have to worry about is how to get your mum's attention

-

would you pick 12,

to experience falling in love for the first time again

-

would you pick 18,

so that you can live in your own world and persue your own crazy dreams, forever

-

would you pick 22,

so that you would always be able to sneak a couple of minutes off work to read a friend's blog?

-

how about 30,

so that you can always tell everyone that you're only 30, and doesn't want to get married yet

-

would you pick, any number,

understand that you wont be able to grow old with your loved ones...?

-

i think i'd just succumb to the nature.

a sudden downpour.

a sudden downpour,
who forgot their umbrella?
but who could ever predict the weather so unpredictable

so they forgot their umbrella.
leaving their mood soaking wet

in a sudden downpour.

i still havent found what im looking for ii.

Things that i planned to buy

1. GPS Navigator.

2. face moisturizer.

3. wrinkle free slacks.

4. multi-vitamins.

5. wireless broadband.

-

Things that ive lost recently

1. time with the guitar

2. my old leather shoe

3. my old voice.

4. Faith in close ones

-

Things that i accidentally got

1. kensington's wireless high definition laser mouse

2. a job - first salary and industry knowledge

3. post-card and letters from friends

4. lesson on how fast people could change their mind.

5. pressure from work (that lasted for approximately 6 hours and 44 minutes)

6. Lucky.

-

Things that im still looking for

1. t-shirt with the word DC.

2. A place to sing, and get paid for that

3. Direction in the city

4. Personal space.

5. inspiration to write, anything, just anything.

6. My direction.

-

i did this one year ago, i have to check with myself again. everyhting remained the same, so many wants and needs, so few were fullfilled, and we keep losing things that are (un)important to us along the way.

-

we're still the same,in some way. but at the same time i feel lucky and grateful for those things that came my way.

-

i hereby invite you to do a spotcheck on yourself, have you found what you were looking for?

10,000.

To everyone reading this.

Scroll to the top of the page, see if you're the 10,000th visitor.

-

drop me a message

winner is entitled to _________________

.

.

.

an empty promise.

i.magination.

i'm a person with great imagination,

-

-

-

-

i can put myself in any situation that i had never been to

which means that my writing might not be made up from what i experienced

that is almost equaled to = i made things up.

-

if your imagination do runs wild once in a while

mine would be free fall from the sky and roller coaster ride

-

imagine everyone has the same face, then we'll have to distinguish them by their voice tone, human would be more sensitive by then

imagine those people run naked on the street with tattoo of my name on their back, why are they running?

imagine the earth loses its gravity and everyone start falling leftwards, i can hold on to the traffic- light-pole on the sideway

imagine all of us without the sense of imagination, we would have to watch a video to picture what i just said. who's gonna make that video?

-

how to imagine us losing the sense of imagination?

you can do that by imaginating yourself stop imaginating you imaginating imagination.

-

-

-

-

i'm a person with great imagination, i imagined.

mirrors.

i like mirrors, since dont know when,
it fullfills my narcissism, and completes me.
im goin to spend 1/12 of my life looking in the mirror.
i need to know myself.

i hate mirrors, they are liars.
arent the darren i see in mirror,
supposed to be the darren you see with your eyes?
i need to know what you see.

thats not the way,

but

too bad,
mirror's all i got.

squirrel.

the squirrels like rainy days, i guess

they live in the concrete city

in a tree beside their home, i guess

-

you love rainy days, yes

you live in the concrete city

in a home beside their tree, yes.

-

-

you're a squirrel, you play in the rain.

b-day.

what is a bad day to you?
-
the day you woke up late and late for work
the day u ran off key on the stage
the day you planned the best vacation just to find out that he couldnt make it
or the day you waited for her at the bus stop you both supposed to meet but she didn't come?
-
ah, i don't know how to describe my bad day.
i left the house with excitement
but i turned off the lights and went to bed with dissapointment
-
if i could replay the day again, just like a song,
oh, i would press "pause" on 0:07
if only i knew whats on 4:17

pictures.

Picture.

-

phone call in the busy street

pot plant beside the 14" screen

blank stare in the lift

donut in the traffic jam

aroma of coffee in the office

3'3 on my left wrist

wireless in starbucks

me in formal dress

fake smiles in chilly conference room

-

-

-

you get the picture?

words.

If everyone has superpowers in them

mine would be mind-reading.

there are more than 600,000 words in the dictionary

but we still run out of words.

but communication is always beyond words, isn't it?

i can read minds, im almost certain

but

i reached a point where i couldn't read my own.

N.

its 5 minutes to midnight, and im writing this on my bed because the night is too bright for me to fall asleep.

i cant fall asleep nicely if there's any source of lights, u know.
the sound of the ticking clock is my lullaby,

but it wont get me off to sleep. u know.

the sky is lighting up too soon, u know,

the stargazing session is not over yet,
we havent even finish counting the stars. glitter.

can i chase the blanket?
can i chase the blanket with shiny twinkle little stars?

countless stars, nothing shines upon,

shortest night.
.,
chasing stars.

.,

;'.

.

listen, hush.

moonlight falling on the ground.

good night, sleep tight.

intangible.

intangible.

what is that.

what is something when you can't see or touch it.

there are so many things that words cant describe.

more than meet the eyes.

money cant buy.

a substance everyone carries,

a possession everyone's looking for.

9,5.

im on the verge of falling into a routine
routine makes you forget what you are supposed to remember

i want to fall asleep with the guitar
want to give the little girl in yellow 5 bucks
want to hear "im fine" from many people no matter they're doing fine or not.

im trying not to forget you, me.
altho the one who appear in the mirror now is telling me
"hey you're better off seeing me"

trying so hard to remember without me realizing it.

shortcut.

is there a shortcut to the place i want to go?
no, nothing abstract here
i know u thought u knew what i meant but what u thought u understood is not what im trying to tell you

can i take tat route?
ah, with an extra mile to go
can i go that way?
ah, but its a sloppy hill

i'll have to be there anyway,
like it or lump it.

yellow.

Dream.

Started the day i picked up the guitar

ended abruptly the day i received confirmation from the company,
pinch me to waking.

it was just a dream afterall,
like those you'll forget between the moment the sunshine falls on you
and when u brushes ur teeth.

but the beautiful thing is you'll never know what's coming up.
hehe.

creature.

Butterfly
flit and fluttered by
flew out of my sight
i study you to many whys
why you glow even there wasn't any lights?

sweet creature,
oh, flit
and fluttered by.

the city.

Its weird,
when u have the best view of the city from the 16th floor's balcony
but you dont feel like you're on the top of the world
or even... on top of... the city

arent we suppose to feel like the world belongs to us
say, when we're on the moon?
?
no

There.

if i ever have the choice to choose between
landing on the moon or
setting my foot on THAT stage to sing
i'll choose the latter.

hehe. crazy dreams, but i really wanna be there.

although i knoe the probability is slimmer than mac Air.

In My Dreams.

Written by : Blaken, Jian, Dc.

Download this song:http://www.savefile.com/files/1641099

I didn’t know if we would last forever
you leaned on my heart
and whispered to me
“Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Cos’ love won’t last too long”

I don’t know what you’d be without me
But I do know that come what may
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna feel the wind of your breath

I’m staring at my future
But it’s hollow cos you’re not there
I hold on to a piece of our time
I need you right by my side
I wanna be in your sight
I’ll see you in my dreams
I’ll kiss you in my dreams

Don’t run from me
Don’t hide your soul from me

I will climb mountains
Dive ocean deep
Just to reach where you are now
Just to have you in my arms

But I know, babe
I’ll only see you in my dreams

Time.

there's something very important

that i would like you to remember,

because it is so important

and to prevent u from forgetting

i want you to write it on your hand

"Do Not Write On Your Hand"

to all the things in my room

are they sleeping ?
when the lights were off
and the moon lights were on
i wonder if their day equaled to our night
like the pillows and blanky that served me at night
but then my guitar might hate me so much for waking it up at the wrong time
or they didnt need any sleep,
just like the clock hanging on the wall
or they might be sleeping all the time
like the mirror.

to all the things in my room.

2.59 - virtual baby

Virtual baby

http://www.youtube.com/v/ODF84_2SgSM - listen to this song.
Written by : Darren Chuah
Music Arrangement : Darren Chuah
Performed by: Darren Chuah

I don’t know how do it feels to be close to you
But there’s something burning between us
We don’t need anyone to entertain us
Hours and hours, I got you.
I cant see but I can feel

I’d walk a thousand miles to be with you
I fear that thousand miles will never do
Seemed so close yet so far
You’re so perfectly unreal
You’re my virtual baby

I don’t know
What do it takes to be close to you
But I know im gonna make it
May sound absurd
But im so into this love
Drown myself into ur love
Im so addicted to you
I cant see but I can feel

Touched my heart
In a hush
Everyone’s guessing hard
Who’s in love?

I’d walk a thousand miles to be with you
I fear that thousand miles will never never do
thousand miles to be with you
who says that thousand miles will ever do
Seemed so close yet so far
You’re so beautifully unreal
You’re my virtual baby

on holiday.

im jobless, unempolyed
im not slacking, not at all
just enjoying out of life that i dont have to pay for
i discovered the art of cooking
i spent more and more time with the guitar
i painted the town,
i did some pencil sketching!
i ate alot and exercised even more.
i met some friends that nearly became my strangers
i hated some questions like " have u found a job?"
i missed the things that i've lost.

aw, how long is this gonna last.

the 8th of June.

this date might not mean anything to you
but to me it is something special
just like a song that meant more than a song to some people
and just like how other ordinary day could mean something special
like the 10th of june, mother's day, or a goodfriday.
and holiday.


but thanks to those who remembered to wish. i turned 22 and i feel better and better each day, im on my way to my peak.

happy birthday to me!

you.

you, is one of my favorite word.
cause 'you' is a word we include in almost every sentence we speak.
and the fact that we use the word you for an average of 122 times perday.
you, can be beautiful, like when it is used in 'i love you'
or can be vulgar , like "you bastard"

'you' is the word we cannot avoid.
you understand what i trying to say?

back from leave.

when was the last time u left the world behind
i know, its not possible
the goldfishes might be starving at home
people who couldn't make it but u wish they were here
and 347 other little thoughts
that might wake u up when u nearly fell asleep on the air mat
in the middle of the sea
or under the starry skies

but for some moment somewhere under some part of some fluffy clouds
i thought i could really leave everything behind.

goodbyes.

i don't know what feeling is this
but it is definitely bitter,
only bitter, nothing sweet.

like
the first day we attended kindergarten without our mums
the time we left our home for National Service
or the first time in life we moved out from our hometown for the uni

parting is nothing cz
we're already get used to it since don't-know-when
like away from our parents for months
or a distance relationship where we don't get to see each other
or a best friend that we've lost touch for months and years

i think the thing that pokes the heart
isn't distance,
but having to hear goodbyes
like we're never gonna meet again.

damnit,
not a good time to be emo cz its the trend now,
but i hate goodbyes.
i really do.

rush, by ferrush. (ferras):P

I know you're sleeping
I wish you were right here
'Cause my bed's so empty
I'd hold you so close dear
And I sang my song to you
Your smile was priceless
What else can I do?

I'm a junkie over you

It's a rush
I can't explain
Like you shot something
Crazy into my veins
And I'm ten feet
Off the ground
And I don't want
To come down

Is it me
Or is everything spinning
I'm wide awake
But I must be dreaming
It's like
You're some kind of drug
Try to catch my breath
And see
If I'm still breathing
Touch my heart
And make sure
It's beating
It's like
I'm falling in love

vege.

i never really liked vegetables
there was once in my lifetime
i boycotted every green colored food
i had phobia for long beans because my aunt forced me to eat them 10 years ago

but now for the sake of my health
i'll try to eat my greens as much as i can
persuading myself that the tiny portion will still benefit me in the slightest way

convincing darren
that the yuckier it is,
the healthier it'll get.

clown.

what happens when the clown is out of joke
funny gestures are not funny anymore
failed to amuse you
even in his colorful costumes and makeup

u forgot how effortlessly
he could replace your frown with a smile
and how did he used to put up
cottons and candies in your sky

depressed patient in disguise.
well disguised.

do i have to blog about mothers day?

i know the sweetest words
i can make the best lines from them

but i have never given any to my mum

maybe next year?

:(


happy mothers day.

liar.

we all hate lies
but we tend to lie
this is like Darren who dislikes the mango (another fruit)
but love to drink the mango juice from "The Only Mango Juice" in Portuguese Settlement

the only good thing about lying is it can be good or bad
lying can be harmless,
like some dude who boast about his savings
or some chick who lied to everyone including herself about her weight

it is just another voice resembled with our vocal chords
and uttered through our mouth
sometimes lying is way too easy
its like turning ur head to the left side and twisting ur fingers
lying is a reflex, always
its like avoiding a punch or pulling back from boiling water

there were so many reasons to lie
but not many reasons not to
that is why i lied,
you lied,
we lied. :)

apple.

this is why i don't like fruits.

it is red in color,
yes it is, obviously.


but why on earth it tasted sourish ?



but i gave a bite anyway,
and ergh,
it still tasted sour.

9562 miles, and hand in hand.

distance is a cold blooded killer
she can be as huge as the diameter of the globe
or as tiny as a bacteria between her and his skin
but no matter how,
she is still a powerful blackhole
that will suck anything apart
break the tightest bond,
it will sink the most precious or strongest ships

distance,
is more than physics and calculation of forces
distance,
drifted us apart.

green.

so close
every grass and leaf and tree witnessed
the fall.

ever wonder why the voices of the crickets and insects
never pushes us away to the city
but the voices of engines
always push us to runaway from it?

ok maybe its just me,
my idea of life.

the curiousity killed the cat.

hey
keep up the pace
i'm already in a maze
digging my own grave
searching for secrets at the forbidden place

i know its a trap
and
theres an easier way out somewhere
but i wouldn't want to escape

i'd give up nine lives
to witness the last piece of this puzzle
with my own eyes.

4am's mushroom soup.

whats wrong with me?
i always smell food in the middle of the night
i should be lying on the bed now, not sitting in front of the desktop
the theory of hunger might relate itself to my weird situation
or my imaginative senses has gone too far
or both of them somehow have significance relationship with each other

or

someone's cooking somewhere.

yes, must be. and i smell mushroom soup.

in that bottle.

there's a bottle of sand on my table
sand that i took from the beach of Lang Tengah sometime ago
from time to time I'll have the urge to open it up
but i didn't.

inside that small bottle
there are,
sea shells,
white sand,
the air of Lang Tengah,
and a breath of freedom.
hey, i own a piece of that beautiful place,
in a bottle.

i think i'll open it up someday
someday when i really need a vacation
while i'm tied to a underpaid job that doesn't allow me to take leave.

i'll open it up someday,
someday when i really need to runaway, even for a few second
from the prison of life.


someday!

runaway.

dated : april 15th

the craziest thoughts crossed my mind
and now they are
chased away to the logical side of my brain

have you ever?
im almost so sure you did.
have you ever?
wanted them to come back again, once in awhile?

because deep inside, you subconsciously wanted to run away.
like how i ran away.


to you.

48.

stripped away from language and words
what else do i have left?

less than 10 words uttered in 48 hours
yet
i have never been so expressive
with what i wanted to tell
and people have never been so attentive
to every single thing i tried to tell

i guess human can be more intimate
without speaking a word
if we return to point zero and given a second chance,
how would we communicate then?


perhaps i should stop talking instead .

i've decided not to talk for the next 48 hours.

你的微笑 是种毒药
music&lyrics词曲： Darren Chuah蔡康伟
download this song


喜欢看你
浅浅的微笑
我忘了晚餐 喝水都很饱

不知不觉 渐渐戒不掉
能不能把你
藏在我口袋里

想不到想不到你的嘴角
有想像不到的力量
怎么办 不要想 你太多 太罗嗦
我已逃不掉

你的微笑 是种毒药
加速我心跳
但却又甜得像巧克力蛋糕
抗拒不了情愿上钓

你的微笑 是种毒药
我已服下了
已无可救药
就算快死掉
至少我能死在
你的微笑
*

怎么办怎么办 你的嘴角
有想像不到的力量
怎么办 你又在望着我 对我笑
我想我再逃不掉
你的微笑 是种毒药
停止我心跳
但却又甜得像巧克力蛋糕
飞蛾扑火 投怀送抱
你的微笑 是种毒药
我已服下了
已无可救药
就算快死掉
至少我能死在~
你的微笑

tomorrow is the day when ill wake up without coughing.

chinese yucky medicine
western pills and syrup
honey and cinnamon
lozenges, and original-stronger-bitter lozenges

i got enough of science and medication

i guess the only way to stop this is to be superstitious
or in the other sentence
- to hypnotize my self with stupid believes


thats why i wrote this,
like how i did one year ago.

please, please, stop coughing.
tomorrow is the day when ill wake up without coughing.

minutes on top.

it's like
hundred miles per hour
minutes underwater
it gets harder to breathe when I'm here

it was like
thousand feet above sea level
skiing on thin ice
releasing the safety belt on a roller coaster ride

the thrill
was a 10 minutes ecstasy that i couldn't resist.

precious.

satisfaction.

the hunger to perform is fed
the desire to step out of myself is satisfied
it is the 3 minutes that no one would take excuses
the few minutes with great expectations

once the mic is on
every second on the stage can be memorable
i enjoyed the feeling of knowing there were
few hundred pairs of ears
and few hundred pairs of eyes on me whether they like it or not, hehe

i'd say that i dislike attentions and hate to be under the limelights
but the other part of me was craving for it like drugs
oh so that is the gemini in me

i'd need it once in a while,
and i just had a big doses of it!
and alot, alot, alot, of fun.
and the feeling of when u can barely open ur eyes and u can hardly recognize any faces in the audience because of the over-powered spotlights are hitting on you like waves
was great.

thanks.




i secretly believe that
there is some kinda magic in my music
that will influence people on planet earth to go against pirated cds... hehe

nonsense.

would u give me a reason
why u couldn't tolerate my nonsense?

was it because life is too serious for us to make fun of
or because life itself has too much of it?


if you ever hesitated for awhile,
between the moment before the answer popped up and the flashbacks of ur own life;
if you gave a second thought,
between the moment after answer popped up and the time u decided to read the question again;


IF, if,
if u're reading this,
pleasssee admit that u can't live without nonsense.

people come and go, please dont go.

the intangible bond between humans
has been written and sung for countless times
i think it is time for me to feel it with a naked heart
instead of trying to describe it in words and phrases

people come and go, please don't go,
please don't go.

hey anticipation.

the swallow little game will be on this weekend
as chill as i may seem
hey anticipation,
pressure are piling on me like a fridge losing its balance on eggs
they are intangible,
sometimes so abstract that even myself couldn't explain that kind of pressure
that exists like a shadow to my emotions
that fades and flickers from time to time.

it was exactly a year ago when i unexpectedly won it
when not many was there to witness this event
this time,
i can hardly bear the weight of expectation
i couldn't estimate the weight of defeat
my ego and my expectation that lies beneath my subconscious mind
is killing me without making a sound.


and my only way out would be to satisfy myself
without losing my way.

my only possible disappointment would be to disappoint my friends and audiences,

sorry if that happens.

its 4 o'clock in the morning.

its 4 am
i don't like to sleep this late
knowing that i'll wake up as early as the other days
just to end up lack of sleep.

i dont like to sleep this late
my dinner was so yesterday
and now i feel like there's a war in my stomach
that will only end with the arrival of the army of milk and breads and cheeses
or .. anything solid will do.

im very hungry,
very hungry,
very hungry..........

i shouldn't sleep this late,
i should just lie on the bed with my eyes closed
and decide whether to try to forget the fact that im hungry.
or to keep telling myself "im not hungry" until i fall asleep.

and im going now, goodnite.

put your blue jeans back on, boy.

when homesick turned bad
when that sickness of longing became incurable

its not bout going back to the little peaceful town u've been absent from
its not the bed and blanket at home and the way it smelled in the morning
its not mum's cooking and the spoons and forks and the cracked plate


homesick became incurable
when you're confused where u belonged to.
and where you're heading to.

follow the moon? no?

repeat.

Do u know,
im that type of person

who will listen to a single favorite track over and over again
until i am completely sick with it
to fall in love with another song

who will have the same food for dinner over and over again
just to get my self sick to it
for the sake of switching to the other food

this sequences will never end
as there will always be new songs coming out
and i'd have to spent my entire life just to try out all the foods out there

a never ending cycle.
over and over again.

J I C .

a library of joy and sorrows
thousand miles of memories
and years of stories untold

sometimes i wish i could just put all of them in words
with pen on papers

there are just too many things in mind to remember
scattered childhood memories
my dead pet named pepe
moments on the stage
beautiful things that happened on me
and all the people around me

just in case i forget anyone of them, someday
please please please,
flashes of lights, little things, familiar places or people i met,someday
would bring them back

hm,
i think i'll write them down, later, somewhere,
just in case i forget anyone of them,someday.

to write beautifully.

i used to believes that
we just have use a really good pen
to write beautifully

how good would it feel to have the best pen in ur hand
and let it flow across the blank page
ending up with beautiful words and lines
that you'd never thought you'll ever come out with

they say you'll never write good poems using the keyboards
how true is that ?

i used to believes that
we just have use a really good pen
to write beautifully

and this is the reason i'll never have the courage to buy one.

special feeling #3.

there was a moment while i was singing on the stage
that i paused to think
"why the hell am i singing this way?"
no, i didn't exactly paused
my thoughts were frozen, but everything else moved on
the melody, my voice, the time.
for tat few second i realized that i didnt even try to memorize the lyrics
(the fact that i always forgot lyrics)
melody and lyrics just came out from me, from somewhere in me.
is that what we call singing from the heart?

ha, finally i tasted a few second of it.

a nap at 1pm.

i hate to dream
i got enough of nightmares,
that haunts me over and over again
and will keep haunting you even in ur conscious mind.
i had enough of sweet dreams
that seem so real when u're in it
just to wake up and find that it was just a dream.

dreams are too frequent recently and i couldn't get any good sleep
how good if i could stop dreaming
but if i could
sleeping will be even more boring than it was.

can i choose what to dream of?
or at least, give my dreams endings.
to wake up in the middle of the dream is frustrating
it dont help even if u try to fall back sleep just to find out the ending of ur dream.

i knoe i'll never get it,
but i always try to. haha.

8 random facts.

1.I've composed around 120 songs since form 5, good or bad ones.

2.i wrote a "book" about my first crush when i was form 2, its 30 pages of a secondary school exercise book.

3.i represented my school for football ok!

4.i grew up with extreme low self esteem, thanks for bringing me down.

5.i have eating disorder just because i have a thought that people around me thinks that i am underweight.

6.i have over 20 bottles of skin care product. but do i look like i care?

7.i longed for a birthday cake, a celebration, and people who show they give a damn.

8.this is first time i give respond to this kinda tagging thing, meme.haha.

one night with cockroaches.

i had a horrible nightmare
nightmare of being chased all over by cockroaches
adding depth to my entomophobia.

one sticked at my back when i was eating lunch,
refuses to let go no matter how hard i shake.
they were waiting for me in every corner of my grandma's house
like they'll crawl all over me if i go any nearer.

urghh...
what a heart thumping night of sleep, with extreme disgust.

damn, i hate cockroaches

if there is one day when cockroaches finally evolved to flying creature
i'll runaway from planet earth.
trust me.

09.

dreams are too frequent
even if she fall asleep before dawn
she never want to fall asleep
endless night with 24 hrs shops
no one's rushing home
no one wants to go home alone

she reduced the dosage of love she usually take
to the minimum
she cut the usage of lover she usually take
to half

love tingled the tip of her tongue
he tested how much she wanted him
just to find out that
she was merely mentally yearning for love
merely longing for love.
only looking for love.
wishing for love,
desired to love.

honk.

i tried my best not to honk while driving
i don't want to sound angry
honk shouldn't be a language on the road
because no matter how u honk, softly, or with pattern,
will only make them think that u're angry

im patient, at least i tried to be
im not furious, at least i kept it well

sorry, i honked my car honk.
i tried not to, i tried.

he doesn't need a title.

i'm not well,
because i feel like what the others are feeling,
strange assumptions of everyone is turning against me
strong instinct of unfortunate events,
struggling helplessly in a place full with helping hands.

once shamelessly declared myself as the most optimistic
and now i'm falling to the other side.

the way the sudden downpour happened,
the horoscope section in a magazine,
and the red liquid that i see every morning,

indicates that the clock is ticking backwards.


how would you feel if u read the news of my death next morning?