4am's mushroom soup.

whats wrong with me?
i always smell food in the middle of the night
i should be lying on the bed now, not sitting in front of the desktop
the theory of hunger might relate itself to my weird situation
or my imaginative senses has gone too far
or both of them somehow have significance relationship with each other

or

someone's cooking somewhere.

yes, must be. and i smell mushroom soup.

in that bottle.

there's a bottle of sand on my table
sand that i took from the beach of Lang Tengah sometime ago
from time to time I'll have the urge to open it up
but i didn't.

inside that small bottle
there are,
sea shells,
white sand,
the air of Lang Tengah,
and a breath of freedom.
hey, i own a piece of that beautiful place,
in a bottle.

i think i'll open it up someday
someday when i really need a vacation
while i'm tied to a underpaid job that doesn't allow me to take leave.

i'll open it up someday,
someday when i really need to runaway, even for a few second
from the prison of life.


someday!

runaway.

dated : april 15th

the craziest thoughts crossed my mind
and now they are
chased away to the logical side of my brain

have you ever?
im almost so sure you did.
have you ever?
wanted them to come back again, once in awhile?

because deep inside, you subconsciously wanted to run away.
like how i ran away.


to you.

48.

stripped away from language and words
what else do i have left?

less than 10 words uttered in 48 hours
yet
i have never been so expressive
with what i wanted to tell
and people have never been so attentive
to every single thing i tried to tell

i guess human can be more intimate
without speaking a word
if we return to point zero and given a second chance,
how would we communicate then?


perhaps i should stop talking instead .

i've decided not to talk for the next 48 hours.

你的微笑 是种毒药
music&lyrics词曲： Darren Chuah蔡康伟
download this song


喜欢看你
浅浅的微笑
我忘了晚餐 喝水都很饱

不知不觉 渐渐戒不掉
能不能把你
藏在我口袋里

想不到想不到你的嘴角
有想像不到的力量
怎么办 不要想 你太多 太罗嗦
我已逃不掉

你的微笑 是种毒药
加速我心跳
但却又甜得像巧克力蛋糕
抗拒不了情愿上钓

你的微笑 是种毒药
我已服下了
已无可救药
就算快死掉
至少我能死在
你的微笑
*

怎么办怎么办 你的嘴角
有想像不到的力量
怎么办 你又在望着我 对我笑
我想我再逃不掉
你的微笑 是种毒药
停止我心跳
但却又甜得像巧克力蛋糕
飞蛾扑火 投怀送抱
你的微笑 是种毒药
我已服下了
已无可救药
就算快死掉
至少我能死在~
你的微笑

tomorrow is the day when ill wake up without coughing.

chinese yucky medicine
western pills and syrup
honey and cinnamon
lozenges, and original-stronger-bitter lozenges

i got enough of science and medication

i guess the only way to stop this is to be superstitious
or in the other sentence
- to hypnotize my self with stupid believes


thats why i wrote this,
like how i did one year ago.

please, please, stop coughing.
tomorrow is the day when ill wake up without coughing.

minutes on top.

it's like
hundred miles per hour
minutes underwater
it gets harder to breathe when I'm here

it was like
thousand feet above sea level
skiing on thin ice
releasing the safety belt on a roller coaster ride

the thrill
was a 10 minutes ecstasy that i couldn't resist.

precious.

satisfaction.

the hunger to perform is fed
the desire to step out of myself is satisfied
it is the 3 minutes that no one would take excuses
the few minutes with great expectations

once the mic is on
every second on the stage can be memorable
i enjoyed the feeling of knowing there were
few hundred pairs of ears
and few hundred pairs of eyes on me whether they like it or not, hehe

i'd say that i dislike attentions and hate to be under the limelights
but the other part of me was craving for it like drugs
oh so that is the gemini in me

i'd need it once in a while,
and i just had a big doses of it!
and alot, alot, alot, of fun.
and the feeling of when u can barely open ur eyes and u can hardly recognize any faces in the audience because of the over-powered spotlights are hitting on you like waves
was great.

thanks.




i secretly believe that
there is some kinda magic in my music
that will influence people on planet earth to go against pirated cds... hehe

nonsense.

would u give me a reason
why u couldn't tolerate my nonsense?

was it because life is too serious for us to make fun of
or because life itself has too much of it?


if you ever hesitated for awhile,
between the moment before the answer popped up and the flashbacks of ur own life;
if you gave a second thought,
between the moment after answer popped up and the time u decided to read the question again;


IF, if,
if u're reading this,
pleasssee admit that u can't live without nonsense.

people come and go, please dont go.

the intangible bond between humans
has been written and sung for countless times
i think it is time for me to feel it with a naked heart
instead of trying to describe it in words and phrases

people come and go, please don't go,
please don't go.

hey anticipation.

the swallow little game will be on this weekend
as chill as i may seem
hey anticipation,
pressure are piling on me like a fridge losing its balance on eggs
they are intangible,
sometimes so abstract that even myself couldn't explain that kind of pressure
that exists like a shadow to my emotions
that fades and flickers from time to time.

it was exactly a year ago when i unexpectedly won it
when not many was there to witness this event
this time,
i can hardly bear the weight of expectation
i couldn't estimate the weight of defeat
my ego and my expectation that lies beneath my subconscious mind
is killing me without making a sound.


and my only way out would be to satisfy myself
without losing my way.

my only possible disappointment would be to disappoint my friends and audiences,

sorry if that happens.