my sneakers, this is for you.

my sneakers that i loved
my sneakers that walked me miles of road
we've been together for not long
but i have always loved you

but now
my sneakers are stolen
we'll never realize how important is something until it is gone, how true
now i know, now i know.

but now its too late

how are you doing over there?, someplace where i dont know.
quietly lying in other people's shoe rack with the odour ure not used to,
starting to adapt to that person who liked u like i do,
or tasting loneliness just like when u were with me before?

sorry i took us for granted
i should have brought u inside, beside my bedpost
i didn't do whats right for us
and i guess i just have to admit
even i'll have to witness you in other ppl's feet

but
without a blink of eye
without a single sense of feeling unsure
without a word, from a thousands unspoken.
i'll just pretend that im fine with it.
im ok.


so long, my sneakers
love, darren.

refuse to sleep.

i refuse to sleep,

although my body telling me he want to rest

it rained hard,
i cant remember when was the last time it rained
the night is so peacefully beautiful
light breeze caress me over
embraces me into herself

letting my self fall asleep too early would be a waste,
with beautiful music playing thru my wooden speaker
im falling into my own heaven again

when the raindrops fall at such a perfect moment,
miracles happen,
i'm blissfully enjoying the night like no one else would do
and it is just another ordinary miracle in my life.

-----
and so,
i keep looking for excuses to stay awake,

just a lil later than usual.

alone in the pool.

i fell in love with moments in the pool alone
i purposely choose hours when there's no people in the pool
when i can pretend the pool belongs to me, my private pool
dive in, and swim around.

i fell in love with moments when i swim alone
it is funny when you're alone doing something
more thoughts will come across
its like there's a voice which u can tell its ur own, inside ur head
mumbling more than a thousand words, to you

it might be something important,
like the motivation or reason to swim
or something irrelevant or stupid,
like the crazy thought to swim naked.

especially when i go beneath the surface,
i cant hear any other voice, the world turned silent
but still my voice speaks louder,
yet i turned deaf,

im lost.

i shut my eyes as hard as i could
and try as hard as i could to find my own voice again
finally i found it in an echo of my own

thats when i feel safe again.


-------------------------------
so many thoughts in a short session in the swimming pool

thats how i listen to myself.

im disconnected.

hey, being disconnected wasn't that bad at all
no chatting
no urge to check mail
no problem breathing
not as bad i thought it'd be

instead, i have more time doing other stuff
more time with guitar
and cleaner room
and some ideas for the next painting
and some dusty books are read once again


free urself from something u cling to
things aren't that bad as u thought it would be afterall

beside the window.

when ure 21 years ol' and busy with ur life as a 21 years ol'
u hardly get a chance to sit alone
looking out from the window
and suddenly see the slideshows of past few years of ur life playing on the pale blue sky

i had that chance today
and i just thought that how fast time has been moving
like i always thought

but i just realized that i hasn't ever realized how much time has changed me

my likings,
my lifestyle,
and my personality.

to good or bad,
i dont know...
but there were changes...
all along the way.

thank god, for moments near the window.
:)

filled.

if u asked why am i so busy recently
id hesitate for somewhile or might not be able to answer you
days were hectic that i lost track of things i do
what i remember was few performances,
loads of school work and
meeting countless person...

life was once empty but now its full
like an empty bottle filled full with rocks at first
that full.
but then sand took the remaining spaces
letting every inches in the bottle filled

*busy life let me forget there are empty spaces

now i don't care whatever it takes to fill them up.


when is the water coming in?

illusion.

tell me its not real,
that illusion that appeared
on your night where stars were glittering
and the moon were splendid

when everything are perfect.

and the perfection happened
without the picture of me appearing in ur painting


you don't paint loneliness anymore.
and i guess thats the end of the story...