fridge.

have you ever wonder how would it be like

to be caught in the fridge.

i love the fridge, as a child.

it has always been one of my favorite door to open.

but i just thought that it wouldnt be that fun to get caught in there,

after you finish the chocolates and cookies mum put in it,

and after you got sick skiing on ice cubes and playing with snowballs making snowmen

and sometimes you'd miss getting away the 34'c by hiding inside your room.

-

i guess the fridge isn't a good spot for a runaway.

你走了.

編曲作詞作曲 ：dc
-
有沒有行李
是什麽心情
是不是坐在靠窗看風景.
那裏是目的地
還是要流浪去
知不知道我在想你
-
是什麽事情讓你下決心恨心
丟下養了多年的金魚
微波爐我還未學會開啓
晚餐該吃些什麽東西
-
你走了 到我不懂的位置
用最輕鬆的方式
沒有溫度的信紙
告訴我你當時很理智
-
你走了 誰都來不及制止
像個任性的孩子
帶走孤單的鑰匙
忘了為我解開 才告辭
-
你沒有行李
沒什麽心情
也沒有坐在靠窗看風景
你沒有目的地
也不想流浪去
你不知道我在想你
-
還未告訴你
孤單的夜裏
記得聼聼寫給你的歌曲
你什麽都沒有帶走 也沒留下什麽
我發現時候 你已離開我

so that nobody would realize that i procrastinated i.

could you wind my watch without letting me know?

so that nobody would realize that i procrastinated?

my subconscious mind would believe that it is the actual time

although i might aware that it is not.

-

but the sight of the longer arm of the clock might be able to cheat me

to take less time on the bed waiting for the second alarm

to not to read on the throne

to get to the car with a brisk pace instead of lazy back

-

what time is it now?

i rather believe the false time on my left wrist

please, tell me im ahead of the actual time,

so that no one would realize that i procrastinated.

me and my guitar.

these tend to happen when i carry the guitar around

-

the security guard would be very surprised that i even have a guitar

the auntie in the lift would ask me whether i just came back from a guitar lesson

the passer-by would stare at my bag like they suspect there's a M-16 in it

-

i start to wonder how do i look beside my guitar?

is it very much like a Seal and Heidi's awkward combination

or i simply doesn't look like a guitar person?

-

how to tell them,

how to tell them that i know guitar a lil more than that?

You.

You
Written and performed by : dc
Music Arrangement by : Flz dc

You
painted blue the sky
rose and shone some morning
blanket up my nights
-
You
live in every corner
and every steps i travelled
would lead me back to you, youyou you you.
*
It's all about you
the proses on the window
every note i sang of
as im craving for every bit of you
-
I'm thinking bout you
as i watch the raindrops
with nothing else to dream of
cause' every little things i see
reminds me of you, you, you, you.
*

*

You painted blue the morning

rose and shone some nights

blanket up my sky

dear hamburgers.

i like to eat hamburgers, i really do.
i always have the urge to write about something i like,
therefore i'd like to dedicate my 228's post to my favorite food - hamburgers.
-
i just thought that it is one of the greatest invention, after tomato ketchup.
-
it is one of the few food that you could eat with only your left hand while driving,
and end up reaching home with a filled stomach.
-
it is one of the simplest dishes a bachelor can pick from a recipe
and later tell his mom that he can freaking cook.
-
if you ask me to fill up biodata information , like how primary students were asked to,
i'd write "Hamburgers"
-
at the "My Favorite Food" column.
hehe.

vintage.

i liked vintage stuffs, too.

they implied a higher value as they age,

since the theory of time is inevitable

there's no reason to swim against the current.

-

-

-

all of us tried to. no?

-

you painted your house

i polished my guitar

she's using wrinkle-decrease serum on her face

-

-

-

it seemed like scratches can be the best expression of some belongings

like ur daddy's jacket or his old car

-

it seemed like imperfection is the only way to define who we were.

a band.

would you be my drummer,

could you play the piano,

and how about the keyboard and the guitar frets?

don't forget the bass

a sexaphone would be great

if your voice's sweet maybe we could duet

and a violin would be icing on the chocolate mud cake

-

lets come together and make music,

i hope its not too late,

not too late.

where are we going from here?

drift and sail

a voyage without destination

do you call that a thrill?

or a surge of uncertainty

-

we brought the map and the navigator

we studied the knots and different types of wind that might come upon

we knew well that we're going to get there someday

-

but

where are we going from here?

-

-

follow the stars and the ocean swells

pray to god.

growing old.

if you had to pick an age to be for your whole life,

knowing that you would just stay that age and never grow older,

what age would you pick?

-

would you pick 4,

so the only thing you have to worry about is how to get your mum's attention

-

would you pick 12,

to experience falling in love for the first time again

-

would you pick 18,

so that you can live in your own world and persue your own crazy dreams, forever

-

would you pick 22,

so that you would always be able to sneak a couple of minutes off work to read a friend's blog?

-

how about 30,

so that you can always tell everyone that you're only 30, and doesn't want to get married yet

-

would you pick, any number,

understand that you wont be able to grow old with your loved ones...?

-

i think i'd just succumb to the nature.

a sudden downpour.

a sudden downpour,
who forgot their umbrella?
but who could ever predict the weather so unpredictable

so they forgot their umbrella.
leaving their mood soaking wet

in a sudden downpour.

i still havent found what im looking for ii.

Things that i planned to buy

1. GPS Navigator.

2. face moisturizer.

3. wrinkle free slacks.

4. multi-vitamins.

5. wireless broadband.

-

Things that ive lost recently

1. time with the guitar

2. my old leather shoe

3. my old voice.

4. Faith in close ones

-

Things that i accidentally got

1. kensington's wireless high definition laser mouse

2. a job - first salary and industry knowledge

3. post-card and letters from friends

4. lesson on how fast people could change their mind.

5. pressure from work (that lasted for approximately 6 hours and 44 minutes)

6. Lucky.

-

Things that im still looking for

1. t-shirt with the word DC.

2. A place to sing, and get paid for that

3. Direction in the city

4. Personal space.

5. inspiration to write, anything, just anything.

6. My direction.

-

i did this one year ago, i have to check with myself again. everyhting remained the same, so many wants and needs, so few were fullfilled, and we keep losing things that are (un)important to us along the way.

-

we're still the same,in some way. but at the same time i feel lucky and grateful for those things that came my way.

-

i hereby invite you to do a spotcheck on yourself, have you found what you were looking for?

10,000.

To everyone reading this.

Scroll to the top of the page, see if you're the 10,000th visitor.

-

drop me a message

winner is entitled to _________________

.

.

.

an empty promise.

i.magination.

i'm a person with great imagination,

-

-

-

-

i can put myself in any situation that i had never been to

which means that my writing might not be made up from what i experienced

that is almost equaled to = i made things up.

-

if your imagination do runs wild once in a while

mine would be free fall from the sky and roller coaster ride

-

imagine everyone has the same face, then we'll have to distinguish them by their voice tone, human would be more sensitive by then

imagine those people run naked on the street with tattoo of my name on their back, why are they running?

imagine the earth loses its gravity and everyone start falling leftwards, i can hold on to the traffic- light-pole on the sideway

imagine all of us without the sense of imagination, we would have to watch a video to picture what i just said. who's gonna make that video?

-

how to imagine us losing the sense of imagination?

you can do that by imaginating yourself stop imaginating you imaginating imagination.

-

-

-

-

i'm a person with great imagination, i imagined.

mirrors.

i like mirrors, since dont know when,
it fullfills my narcissism, and completes me.
im goin to spend 1/12 of my life looking in the mirror.
i need to know myself.

i hate mirrors, they are liars.
arent the darren i see in mirror,
supposed to be the darren you see with your eyes?
i need to know what you see.

thats not the way,

but

too bad,
mirror's all i got.

squirrel.

the squirrels like rainy days, i guess

they live in the concrete city

in a tree beside their home, i guess

-

you love rainy days, yes

you live in the concrete city

in a home beside their tree, yes.

-

-

you're a squirrel, you play in the rain.

b-day.

what is a bad day to you?
-
the day you woke up late and late for work
the day u ran off key on the stage
the day you planned the best vacation just to find out that he couldnt make it
or the day you waited for her at the bus stop you both supposed to meet but she didn't come?
-
ah, i don't know how to describe my bad day.
i left the house with excitement
but i turned off the lights and went to bed with dissapointment
-
if i could replay the day again, just like a song,
oh, i would press "pause" on 0:07
if only i knew whats on 4:17

pictures.

Picture.

-

phone call in the busy street

pot plant beside the 14" screen

blank stare in the lift

donut in the traffic jam

aroma of coffee in the office

3'3 on my left wrist

wireless in starbucks

me in formal dress

fake smiles in chilly conference room

-

-

-

you get the picture?

words.

If everyone has superpowers in them

mine would be mind-reading.

there are more than 600,000 words in the dictionary

but we still run out of words.

but communication is always beyond words, isn't it?

i can read minds, im almost certain

but

i reached a point where i couldn't read my own.

N.

its 5 minutes to midnight, and im writing this on my bed because the night is too bright for me to fall asleep.

i cant fall asleep nicely if there's any source of lights, u know.
the sound of the ticking clock is my lullaby,

but it wont get me off to sleep. u know.

the sky is lighting up too soon, u know,

the stargazing session is not over yet,
we havent even finish counting the stars. glitter.

can i chase the blanket?
can i chase the blanket with shiny twinkle little stars?

countless stars, nothing shines upon,

shortest night.
.,
chasing stars.

.,

;'.

.

listen, hush.

moonlight falling on the ground.

good night, sleep tight.

intangible.

intangible.

what is that.

what is something when you can't see or touch it.

there are so many things that words cant describe.

more than meet the eyes.

money cant buy.

a substance everyone carries,

a possession everyone's looking for.

9,5.

im on the verge of falling into a routine
routine makes you forget what you are supposed to remember

i want to fall asleep with the guitar
want to give the little girl in yellow 5 bucks
want to hear "im fine" from many people no matter they're doing fine or not.

im trying not to forget you, me.
altho the one who appear in the mirror now is telling me
"hey you're better off seeing me"

trying so hard to remember without me realizing it.

shortcut.

is there a shortcut to the place i want to go?
no, nothing abstract here
i know u thought u knew what i meant but what u thought u understood is not what im trying to tell you

can i take tat route?
ah, with an extra mile to go
can i go that way?
ah, but its a sloppy hill

i'll have to be there anyway,
like it or lump it.

yellow.

Dream.

Started the day i picked up the guitar

ended abruptly the day i received confirmation from the company,
pinch me to waking.

it was just a dream afterall,
like those you'll forget between the moment the sunshine falls on you
and when u brushes ur teeth.

but the beautiful thing is you'll never know what's coming up.
hehe.

creature.

Butterfly
flit and fluttered by
flew out of my sight
i study you to many whys
why you glow even there wasn't any lights?

sweet creature,
oh, flit
and fluttered by.

the city.

Its weird,
when u have the best view of the city from the 16th floor's balcony
but you dont feel like you're on the top of the world
or even... on top of... the city

arent we suppose to feel like the world belongs to us
say, when we're on the moon?
?
no

There.

if i ever have the choice to choose between
landing on the moon or
setting my foot on THAT stage to sing
i'll choose the latter.

hehe. crazy dreams, but i really wanna be there.

although i knoe the probability is slimmer than mac Air.

In My Dreams.

Written by : Blaken, Jian, Dc.

Download this song:http://www.savefile.com/files/1641099

I didn’t know if we would last forever
you leaned on my heart
and whispered to me
“Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Cos’ love won’t last too long”

I don’t know what you’d be without me
But I do know that come what may
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna feel the wind of your breath

I’m staring at my future
But it’s hollow cos you’re not there
I hold on to a piece of our time
I need you right by my side
I wanna be in your sight
I’ll see you in my dreams
I’ll kiss you in my dreams

Don’t run from me
Don’t hide your soul from me

I will climb mountains
Dive ocean deep
Just to reach where you are now
Just to have you in my arms

But I know, babe
I’ll only see you in my dreams

Time.

there's something very important

that i would like you to remember,

because it is so important

and to prevent u from forgetting

i want you to write it on your hand

"Do Not Write On Your Hand"

to all the things in my room

are they sleeping ?
when the lights were off
and the moon lights were on
i wonder if their day equaled to our night
like the pillows and blanky that served me at night
but then my guitar might hate me so much for waking it up at the wrong time
or they didnt need any sleep,
just like the clock hanging on the wall
or they might be sleeping all the time
like the mirror.

to all the things in my room.

2.59 - virtual baby

Virtual baby

http://www.youtube.com/v/ODF84_2SgSM - listen to this song.
Written by : Darren Chuah
Music Arrangement : Darren Chuah
Performed by: Darren Chuah

I don’t know how do it feels to be close to you
But there’s something burning between us
We don’t need anyone to entertain us
Hours and hours, I got you.
I cant see but I can feel

I’d walk a thousand miles to be with you
I fear that thousand miles will never do
Seemed so close yet so far
You’re so perfectly unreal
You’re my virtual baby

I don’t know
What do it takes to be close to you
But I know im gonna make it
May sound absurd
But im so into this love
Drown myself into ur love
Im so addicted to you
I cant see but I can feel

Touched my heart
In a hush
Everyone’s guessing hard
Who’s in love?

I’d walk a thousand miles to be with you
I fear that thousand miles will never never do
thousand miles to be with you
who says that thousand miles will ever do
Seemed so close yet so far
You’re so beautifully unreal
You’re my virtual baby

on holiday.

im jobless, unempolyed
im not slacking, not at all
just enjoying out of life that i dont have to pay for
i discovered the art of cooking
i spent more and more time with the guitar
i painted the town,
i did some pencil sketching!
i ate alot and exercised even more.
i met some friends that nearly became my strangers
i hated some questions like " have u found a job?"
i missed the things that i've lost.

aw, how long is this gonna last.

the 8th of June.

this date might not mean anything to you
but to me it is something special
just like a song that meant more than a song to some people
and just like how other ordinary day could mean something special
like the 10th of june, mother's day, or a goodfriday.
and holiday.


but thanks to those who remembered to wish. i turned 22 and i feel better and better each day, im on my way to my peak.

happy birthday to me!

you.

you, is one of my favorite word.
cause 'you' is a word we include in almost every sentence we speak.
and the fact that we use the word you for an average of 122 times perday.
you, can be beautiful, like when it is used in 'i love you'
or can be vulgar , like "you bastard"

'you' is the word we cannot avoid.
you understand what i trying to say?

back from leave.

when was the last time u left the world behind
i know, its not possible
the goldfishes might be starving at home
people who couldn't make it but u wish they were here
and 347 other little thoughts
that might wake u up when u nearly fell asleep on the air mat
in the middle of the sea
or under the starry skies

but for some moment somewhere under some part of some fluffy clouds
i thought i could really leave everything behind.

goodbyes.

i don't know what feeling is this
but it is definitely bitter,
only bitter, nothing sweet.

like
the first day we attended kindergarten without our mums
the time we left our home for National Service
or the first time in life we moved out from our hometown for the uni

parting is nothing cz
we're already get used to it since don't-know-when
like away from our parents for months
or a distance relationship where we don't get to see each other
or a best friend that we've lost touch for months and years

i think the thing that pokes the heart
isn't distance,
but having to hear goodbyes
like we're never gonna meet again.

damnit,
not a good time to be emo cz its the trend now,
but i hate goodbyes.
i really do.

rush, by ferrush. (ferras):P

I know you're sleeping
I wish you were right here
'Cause my bed's so empty
I'd hold you so close dear
And I sang my song to you
Your smile was priceless
What else can I do?

I'm a junkie over you

It's a rush
I can't explain
Like you shot something
Crazy into my veins
And I'm ten feet
Off the ground
And I don't want
To come down

Is it me
Or is everything spinning
I'm wide awake
But I must be dreaming
It's like
You're some kind of drug
Try to catch my breath
And see
If I'm still breathing
Touch my heart
And make sure
It's beating
It's like
I'm falling in love

vege.

i never really liked vegetables
there was once in my lifetime
i boycotted every green colored food
i had phobia for long beans because my aunt forced me to eat them 10 years ago

but now for the sake of my health
i'll try to eat my greens as much as i can
persuading myself that the tiny portion will still benefit me in the slightest way

convincing darren
that the yuckier it is,
the healthier it'll get.

clown.

what happens when the clown is out of joke
funny gestures are not funny anymore
failed to amuse you
even in his colorful costumes and makeup

u forgot how effortlessly
he could replace your frown with a smile
and how did he used to put up
cottons and candies in your sky

depressed patient in disguise.
well disguised.

do i have to blog about mothers day?

i know the sweetest words
i can make the best lines from them

but i have never given any to my mum

maybe next year?

:(


happy mothers day.

liar.

we all hate lies
but we tend to lie
this is like Darren who dislikes the mango (another fruit)
but love to drink the mango juice from "The Only Mango Juice" in Portuguese Settlement

the only good thing about lying is it can be good or bad
lying can be harmless,
like some dude who boast about his savings
or some chick who lied to everyone including herself about her weight

it is just another voice resembled with our vocal chords
and uttered through our mouth
sometimes lying is way too easy
its like turning ur head to the left side and twisting ur fingers
lying is a reflex, always
its like avoiding a punch or pulling back from boiling water

there were so many reasons to lie
but not many reasons not to
that is why i lied,
you lied,
we lied. :)

apple.

this is why i don't like fruits.

it is red in color,
yes it is, obviously.


but why on earth it tasted sourish ?



but i gave a bite anyway,
and ergh,
it still tasted sour.

9562 miles, and hand in hand.

distance is a cold blooded killer
she can be as huge as the diameter of the globe
or as tiny as a bacteria between her and his skin
but no matter how,
she is still a powerful blackhole
that will suck anything apart
break the tightest bond,
it will sink the most precious or strongest ships

distance,
is more than physics and calculation of forces
distance,
drifted us apart.

green.

so close
every grass and leaf and tree witnessed
the fall.

ever wonder why the voices of the crickets and insects
never pushes us away to the city
but the voices of engines
always push us to runaway from it?

ok maybe its just me,
my idea of life.

the curiousity killed the cat.

hey
keep up the pace
i'm already in a maze
digging my own grave
searching for secrets at the forbidden place

i know its a trap
and
theres an easier way out somewhere
but i wouldn't want to escape

i'd give up nine lives
to witness the last piece of this puzzle
with my own eyes.

4am's mushroom soup.

whats wrong with me?
i always smell food in the middle of the night
i should be lying on the bed now, not sitting in front of the desktop
the theory of hunger might relate itself to my weird situation
or my imaginative senses has gone too far
or both of them somehow have significance relationship with each other

or

someone's cooking somewhere.

yes, must be. and i smell mushroom soup.

in that bottle.

there's a bottle of sand on my table
sand that i took from the beach of Lang Tengah sometime ago
from time to time I'll have the urge to open it up
but i didn't.

inside that small bottle
there are,
sea shells,
white sand,
the air of Lang Tengah,
and a breath of freedom.
hey, i own a piece of that beautiful place,
in a bottle.

i think i'll open it up someday
someday when i really need a vacation
while i'm tied to a underpaid job that doesn't allow me to take leave.

i'll open it up someday,
someday when i really need to runaway, even for a few second
from the prison of life.


someday!

runaway.

dated : april 15th

the craziest thoughts crossed my mind
and now they are
chased away to the logical side of my brain

have you ever?
im almost so sure you did.
have you ever?
wanted them to come back again, once in awhile?

because deep inside, you subconsciously wanted to run away.
like how i ran away.


to you.

48.

stripped away from language and words
what else do i have left?

less than 10 words uttered in 48 hours
yet
i have never been so expressive
with what i wanted to tell
and people have never been so attentive
to every single thing i tried to tell

i guess human can be more intimate
without speaking a word
if we return to point zero and given a second chance,
how would we communicate then?


perhaps i should stop talking instead .

i've decided not to talk for the next 48 hours.

你的微笑 是种毒药
music&lyrics词曲： Darren Chuah蔡康伟
download this song


喜欢看你
浅浅的微笑
我忘了晚餐 喝水都很饱

不知不觉 渐渐戒不掉
能不能把你
藏在我口袋里

想不到想不到你的嘴角
有想像不到的力量
怎么办 不要想 你太多 太罗嗦
我已逃不掉

你的微笑 是种毒药
加速我心跳
但却又甜得像巧克力蛋糕
抗拒不了情愿上钓

你的微笑 是种毒药
我已服下了
已无可救药
就算快死掉
至少我能死在
你的微笑
*

怎么办怎么办 你的嘴角
有想像不到的力量
怎么办 你又在望着我 对我笑
我想我再逃不掉
你的微笑 是种毒药
停止我心跳
但却又甜得像巧克力蛋糕
飞蛾扑火 投怀送抱
你的微笑 是种毒药
我已服下了
已无可救药
就算快死掉
至少我能死在~
你的微笑

tomorrow is the day when ill wake up without coughing.

chinese yucky medicine
western pills and syrup
honey and cinnamon
lozenges, and original-stronger-bitter lozenges

i got enough of science and medication

i guess the only way to stop this is to be superstitious
or in the other sentence
- to hypnotize my self with stupid believes


thats why i wrote this,
like how i did one year ago.

please, please, stop coughing.
tomorrow is the day when ill wake up without coughing.

minutes on top.

it's like
hundred miles per hour
minutes underwater
it gets harder to breathe when I'm here

it was like
thousand feet above sea level
skiing on thin ice
releasing the safety belt on a roller coaster ride

the thrill
was a 10 minutes ecstasy that i couldn't resist.

precious.

satisfaction.

the hunger to perform is fed
the desire to step out of myself is satisfied
it is the 3 minutes that no one would take excuses
the few minutes with great expectations

once the mic is on
every second on the stage can be memorable
i enjoyed the feeling of knowing there were
few hundred pairs of ears
and few hundred pairs of eyes on me whether they like it or not, hehe

i'd say that i dislike attentions and hate to be under the limelights
but the other part of me was craving for it like drugs
oh so that is the gemini in me

i'd need it once in a while,
and i just had a big doses of it!
and alot, alot, alot, of fun.
and the feeling of when u can barely open ur eyes and u can hardly recognize any faces in the audience because of the over-powered spotlights are hitting on you like waves
was great.

thanks.




i secretly believe that
there is some kinda magic in my music
that will influence people on planet earth to go against pirated cds... hehe

nonsense.

would u give me a reason
why u couldn't tolerate my nonsense?

was it because life is too serious for us to make fun of
or because life itself has too much of it?


if you ever hesitated for awhile,
between the moment before the answer popped up and the flashbacks of ur own life;
if you gave a second thought,
between the moment after answer popped up and the time u decided to read the question again;


IF, if,
if u're reading this,
pleasssee admit that u can't live without nonsense.

people come and go, please dont go.

the intangible bond between humans
has been written and sung for countless times
i think it is time for me to feel it with a naked heart
instead of trying to describe it in words and phrases

people come and go, please don't go,
please don't go.

hey anticipation.

the swallow little game will be on this weekend
as chill as i may seem
hey anticipation,
pressure are piling on me like a fridge losing its balance on eggs
they are intangible,
sometimes so abstract that even myself couldn't explain that kind of pressure
that exists like a shadow to my emotions
that fades and flickers from time to time.

it was exactly a year ago when i unexpectedly won it
when not many was there to witness this event
this time,
i can hardly bear the weight of expectation
i couldn't estimate the weight of defeat
my ego and my expectation that lies beneath my subconscious mind
is killing me without making a sound.


and my only way out would be to satisfy myself
without losing my way.

my only possible disappointment would be to disappoint my friends and audiences,

sorry if that happens.

its 4 o'clock in the morning.

its 4 am
i don't like to sleep this late
knowing that i'll wake up as early as the other days
just to end up lack of sleep.

i dont like to sleep this late
my dinner was so yesterday
and now i feel like there's a war in my stomach
that will only end with the arrival of the army of milk and breads and cheeses
or .. anything solid will do.

im very hungry,
very hungry,
very hungry..........

i shouldn't sleep this late,
i should just lie on the bed with my eyes closed
and decide whether to try to forget the fact that im hungry.
or to keep telling myself "im not hungry" until i fall asleep.

and im going now, goodnite.

put your blue jeans back on, boy.

when homesick turned bad
when that sickness of longing became incurable

its not bout going back to the little peaceful town u've been absent from
its not the bed and blanket at home and the way it smelled in the morning
its not mum's cooking and the spoons and forks and the cracked plate


homesick became incurable
when you're confused where u belonged to.
and where you're heading to.

follow the moon? no?

repeat.

Do u know,
im that type of person

who will listen to a single favorite track over and over again
until i am completely sick with it
to fall in love with another song

who will have the same food for dinner over and over again
just to get my self sick to it
for the sake of switching to the other food

this sequences will never end
as there will always be new songs coming out
and i'd have to spent my entire life just to try out all the foods out there

a never ending cycle.
over and over again.

J I C .

a library of joy and sorrows
thousand miles of memories
and years of stories untold

sometimes i wish i could just put all of them in words
with pen on papers

there are just too many things in mind to remember
scattered childhood memories
my dead pet named pepe
moments on the stage
beautiful things that happened on me
and all the people around me

just in case i forget anyone of them, someday
please please please,
flashes of lights, little things, familiar places or people i met,someday
would bring them back

hm,
i think i'll write them down, later, somewhere,
just in case i forget anyone of them,someday.

to write beautifully.

i used to believes that
we just have use a really good pen
to write beautifully

how good would it feel to have the best pen in ur hand
and let it flow across the blank page
ending up with beautiful words and lines
that you'd never thought you'll ever come out with

they say you'll never write good poems using the keyboards
how true is that ?

i used to believes that
we just have use a really good pen
to write beautifully

and this is the reason i'll never have the courage to buy one.

special feeling #3.

there was a moment while i was singing on the stage
that i paused to think
"why the hell am i singing this way?"
no, i didn't exactly paused
my thoughts were frozen, but everything else moved on
the melody, my voice, the time.
for tat few second i realized that i didnt even try to memorize the lyrics
(the fact that i always forgot lyrics)
melody and lyrics just came out from me, from somewhere in me.
is that what we call singing from the heart?

ha, finally i tasted a few second of it.

a nap at 1pm.

i hate to dream
i got enough of nightmares,
that haunts me over and over again
and will keep haunting you even in ur conscious mind.
i had enough of sweet dreams
that seem so real when u're in it
just to wake up and find that it was just a dream.

dreams are too frequent recently and i couldn't get any good sleep
how good if i could stop dreaming
but if i could
sleeping will be even more boring than it was.

can i choose what to dream of?
or at least, give my dreams endings.
to wake up in the middle of the dream is frustrating
it dont help even if u try to fall back sleep just to find out the ending of ur dream.

i knoe i'll never get it,
but i always try to. haha.

8 random facts.

1.I've composed around 120 songs since form 5, good or bad ones.

2.i wrote a "book" about my first crush when i was form 2, its 30 pages of a secondary school exercise book.

3.i represented my school for football ok!

4.i grew up with extreme low self esteem, thanks for bringing me down.

5.i have eating disorder just because i have a thought that people around me thinks that i am underweight.

6.i have over 20 bottles of skin care product. but do i look like i care?

7.i longed for a birthday cake, a celebration, and people who show they give a damn.

8.this is first time i give respond to this kinda tagging thing, meme.haha.

one night with cockroaches.

i had a horrible nightmare
nightmare of being chased all over by cockroaches
adding depth to my entomophobia.

one sticked at my back when i was eating lunch,
refuses to let go no matter how hard i shake.
they were waiting for me in every corner of my grandma's house
like they'll crawl all over me if i go any nearer.

urghh...
what a heart thumping night of sleep, with extreme disgust.

damn, i hate cockroaches

if there is one day when cockroaches finally evolved to flying creature
i'll runaway from planet earth.
trust me.

09.

dreams are too frequent
even if she fall asleep before dawn
she never want to fall asleep
endless night with 24 hrs shops
no one's rushing home
no one wants to go home alone

she reduced the dosage of love she usually take
to the minimum
she cut the usage of lover she usually take
to half

love tingled the tip of her tongue
he tested how much she wanted him
just to find out that
she was merely mentally yearning for love
merely longing for love.
only looking for love.
wishing for love,
desired to love.

honk.

i tried my best not to honk while driving
i don't want to sound angry
honk shouldn't be a language on the road
because no matter how u honk, softly, or with pattern,
will only make them think that u're angry

im patient, at least i tried to be
im not furious, at least i kept it well

sorry, i honked my car honk.
i tried not to, i tried.

he doesn't need a title.

i'm not well,
because i feel like what the others are feeling,
strange assumptions of everyone is turning against me
strong instinct of unfortunate events,
struggling helplessly in a place full with helping hands.

once shamelessly declared myself as the most optimistic
and now i'm falling to the other side.

the way the sudden downpour happened,
the horoscope section in a magazine,
and the red liquid that i see every morning,

indicates that the clock is ticking backwards.


how would you feel if u read the news of my death next morning?

limited edition.

im number 06993
ladies over the street staring back at me
friends wish that they owned me
i couldnt find anyone like me around me
hey im special.
i made my master proud.

but like a dumdum, i just realized that
i'm not the one and only

there were 9999 pieces of my twins all over places i couldn't see
shining on the body of a singer in a nightclub
or folded into half and kept in the cupboard tasting loneliness
or wrapped in presents waiting to be given away

im merely a limited edition T-shirt,
nothing special.
nothing special.

the love letter writer.

the love letter writer
an evil cupid in disguise
is selling proses of love on a cheap
who's buying?

fall in love with the recipient
whom he never met
break his own heart over and over again
in his own imaginary scenarios
passionate sentence and flirtatious phrases
he laid his pen in a mission to make her fall
not for himself but for them
who never seemed to understand the language of love

the love letter writer
went through too many stories of others
fell in the first sentence
and fell out on the full stop of the letter written
how absurd a love can be,
in a letter full of alphabets of deception.

growing repugnance,
he has lost the ability to write for his own
love letter has lost its meaning
when the writer has already written countless.
to those he once loved,
even only for the duration of time taken to write a love letter.



how true are those words in your love letter?

secret.

dont tell me the truth
you dont have to
and u deserve some space for a secret, or maybe more

everyone got their own secrets
broken vase in the living room
underground love hidden for years
or a love letter on the windscreen
more or less
im sure there will be.

there weren't anyone who live without a secret
and i believe that secrets subconsciously affect our behavior
some screamed because of secrets
some silence for the same reason
more or less
im sure there will be.

i gave each of them a secret
they will be happier with the secret.

what urs?

the show.

a night to a circus show
or a orchestra performance?

a risky but eye catching performance
or a very stable but somehow dull one?

i want a stable yet heart thumping circus show.

hehe.

home?

i purposely chose the seat near the window
i thought of the little kid that sell kuih in the bus station
i felt very thankful despite the imperfections
i listened to mp3s that i always listened to
i read few pages of a book that ive given up reading long ago

i forgot where i belonged to
i forgot my destination that im heading to
i forgot the definition of home

i thought of days that left me behind
i remind myself of the time i left behind
i saw love outside the window
and hatred on the other side of it
i fell for things that passed me by in a blink of eye
i had intense yet short lived feelings for sceneries moved backwards

i grieved and i laughed
stolen and stealing hearts
it is all amusing enough
to keep my mind busy along the journey in a bus

thats why i chose the seat near the window.

words to a stranger.

she dont smile,
her beauty frowns,
a glance worth a thousand pounds,
she walks the sideway of that little town.

she hardly spoken
but her eyes sent a thousand words
she couldnt run away she couldnt hide
the prying eyes by her side
what would make her change a mind,
should i hesitate or get off the dime.

not until the stranger passed me by..

imperfection.

dad has been telling me ,practice makes perfect
but being an egoistic me
will always find reasons to oppose logics and theories

the moon wouldn't be so beautiful without its flaws
life would be meaningless if there wasn't ups and downs.
we wouldn't able to distinguish one another.

ive been practicing my song for so many times,
just to make a part of it run out of tune.
look dad, im practicing for imperfection! haha.


you're not perfect, neither any of us are




imperfection is where your beauty comes from.


imperfection made me who i am.

night time stories.

i remember
smile as sweet as minty chocolates
chilly palms that once froze in time
warm shoulders in the dark cold cinema

where are you my dear friend ?

i remember
words that lighten up the dark blue nights
sleepless night that you listened to my lullabies
and looking at the imperfect moon on a perfect starry nights


where are you my dear friend ?

every little details of the scenery outside of my window
says a little about you.

i shoudnt go any nearer.

im sorry.

sorry.
it is hidden quietly somewhere in a corner
joining other truth that has been concealed
waiting for someday for them to be revealed.

ive long forgotten that little space,
as i tried as hard as i could to forget,
i've forgotten that little corner where so many things were forgotten there

i'm almost there.

but sometimes the reverie before the traffic lights turning into green
or just an untitled melody i played with my fingers while falling asleep in the office
or the sleepless nights that seemed like blood were oozing out within
would remind me of them.

sorry,
i have to hide the hardest word in the world,



simply because i love you so.

wrapped.

i like to read catalogs since i was a kid
this once again made me questioned my childhood
did i grew up like the others did?
like to flip thru catalogs of furnitures that i couldnt afford
loiter on ebay browsing craps that would make me poorer
or even catalogs of groceries could make me few percent happier.
haha, it cant be any easier to make me feel happy.

i start to appreciate the meaning of packaging
since they are part of the subject i'm studying currently.
i feel reluctant to unwrap things that i've bought
i thought they're some sort of art , when something is beautifully sealed

do i have to buy something home and follow the urge to unwrap it,
despite the desire to keep it just the way it is?

a Gillette razor is still nicely wrapped, lying in my cupboard.

the man walking on the tightrope.

i'm a man walking on a tight rope

hanging in the middle of the nowhere
shaking with the wind blowing with despair
the end's too near, but when will i be there?

i'm a man walking on a tightrope
not afraid of death, i'm dare to hope
step forward and ill be free
turn backward and back to my dream
which direction should i be?

no longer able to balance myself on the pain in my head
your whispers decided my next small step
i've been holding on, for so long
so long.
without moving on.

memories in my right grasp
and the future on the left
forward equals to ignorance
backward leads me loneliness
do i have to fall
to earn myself some happiness?


the man walking on a tightrope
he deserves some sympathy.

god made me special.

god made everyone special
every faces and every pair of eyes is unique on their own way
can u imagine that?
when u walk into a crowded place
how many story is playing at once?
a middle aged struggling in a job with a low pay and wondering how to hide that from his wife
young girl quarreled with boyfriend because he left the keys on baskin robbin's table
a proud dad who's thinking new names for his newborn
and countless others
ups and downs in everyone
in you, in me.
we're all in the roller coaster of life

the more people i meet each day,
the more i see the true colors of life
every pair of eyes that crossed mine
telling me there were so many story untold
every single person that passed me by
has passed by so many people in their life
and even every pair of hands got its own story to tell
every footstep on the sideways have walked thousand miles to reach where they are


if everyone i met in my life have a movie of their own life time story to show
i guess i'll have to spend my entire life to watch them all.


i guess i need 3 hours for my own movie.

Sunday.

im starting to appreciate Sundays more
like i'm supposed to.

this is the day when u can sleep,
long enough for the sunlight that shine through the half opened windows to warm you up
you dont have to open your eyes even if ure awake,
you rather force yourself into sleep knowing it is too early no matter what time it is,
and waking up without having to worry the condition of the hair, haha
knowing today belongs only to you.

you can sip some coffee beside the window with your favorite music playing along
you can just stare outside the window looking for clouds that shaped like her face
you can jump back into the bed anytime, but u wouldnt want to.

and so, u spent the day when the clock moves slower than usual
and the pace of the earth's few second lagging,
without having any plan in ur head
i painted
i sang for awhile
i called home for some family warmth.

this beautiful little Sunday,
my beautiful little Sunday,
you deserve a beautiful weather, just like this.


i deserve an ordinary Sunday, just like this

im writing this in my office.

im writing this in my office,
no, i dont go online in the office,
im writing using my imaginary pen
and the mind is my paper scrambled with alphabets and words
this is the only way i can write anytime and anywhere i want

Second day, third day,
i'd say everything is fine
i realised that im starting to get used to this new life
which i dont want to get used to
but along this years i found out that our body and mind tend to adapt to things as time goes by
whether u like it or not

*learning how to control the stomach that grumbles at 4.15pm
forgetting my latest addiction of swimming pool water
and not letting the romeo of my ears meet juliet's music

i witness the changes, every little bits of them indeed
fading away in slow-mo,
what can i do to stop this?
or should i just let it be?
,knowing that im helplessly stranded in the 21st floor of life?

i know one day, one fine day
when i will live the life i wanted to live again
for now,
i carefully unattached them as a part of me
i know that fine day,
i will breathe the air the way i want again.



life is not giving me a chance to miss you

but i did.

im just a cuckoo clock.

i cant believe i sold my freedom over a pile of bank notes
i started working today, in an office
it was indeed like being trapped in a traffic, for 8 fucking hours
and along the 8 hours, u have to work mentality and physically

is it true that money can only be exchanged with freedom?


i cant believe i sold my freedom over a pile of banknotes
does my freedom only worth that little money?
or im just a cuckoo clock who thought he worth golds?
is this the nature of the adult life?
which everyone have lost their enthusiasm for life?


i guess im just not used to be trapped in a place for too long
staring out the office window but without able to breath the air outside the window
is torturing me like watering a thirsty man in a desert but not letting him to drink it

i cant dream whenever i want to
i cant sing whenever i feel like
i cant follow my heart
only because i've asked life to shackle me , and cage me up.


there's one type of bird that will only feel safe by keep on flying and moving on

i guess im that type.

alive.

death,

is a very horrible thing
to those who're alive.

i admit that im afraid of death
i always thought that life is too beautiful to end anytime soon
sometimes i dream of death
they say we always dream of what we fear of happening the most
i'd wake up in horror
to realise im still alive.

i'm afraid of death, do you?


but
there's no such thing as fear once we're dead
cause, we're dead.
if this is the fact,
am i supposed to be afraid?

ask me, i like to help.

Ask me, I like to help

Above is my msn status, offering help to people who needs one.

some asked me if i could tell them how to study
my underage fren asked me what to do if his gf is proposing a breakup
frens asked me to kill their boredom.
one asked me bout types of girl id fall in love with.

another fren asked what form of help that i can give.
thats when i paused awhile to think
what can i give? what do i have with me now? nothing special?
online consultation perhaps?
any subject other than maths and anything that deals with number
haha.

it has been two days since i offer free help.
so many questions and doubts i tried to answer
no matter they're satisfied or not

I'm almost out of answers...



at last,
no one understood,
whats in the lighthouse man's mind.



i wish i could help,
but heaven knows i'm the one who sought for one.

just another bad hair day.

Its time to cut my hair again
suddenly feels that to cut short is a waste of money and time

its always hard to get the perfect length i want
when there's perfection, i wont last long
thats why i cut it over and over again,
with the thought that it will look better, ill be very satisfied the next time
and the days after a visit to the saloon,
the hair lives in a condition which even he himself cant recognize himself



but for the sake of keeping it until an unacceptable length and cutting it again

i chose to bear with it.



i hate my hair,
i love my hair.

end of the road.

i stared at nothing,
looking at each alphabet like wondering how they was originated
reading the sentence over and over again
hoping that something new will pop up in my brain
where all the facts i memorized were used up

its my fault
i shouldn't have over-listened boys ii men songs
instead of remembering the organization structure of a salesforce
all i could remember was every single line in boyz II men's "end of the road"
and the melody keeps playing again and again in my head
and so i made up senseless story of lovers reaching the end of the road
and jumped into the river of love
how absurd it is to have such stupid thought at such important couple of hours.



it is indeed the end of the road for me.

my sneakers, this is for you.

my sneakers that i loved
my sneakers that walked me miles of road
we've been together for not long
but i have always loved you

but now
my sneakers are stolen
we'll never realize how important is something until it is gone, how true
now i know, now i know.

but now its too late

how are you doing over there?, someplace where i dont know.
quietly lying in other people's shoe rack with the odour ure not used to,
starting to adapt to that person who liked u like i do,
or tasting loneliness just like when u were with me before?

sorry i took us for granted
i should have brought u inside, beside my bedpost
i didn't do whats right for us
and i guess i just have to admit
even i'll have to witness you in other ppl's feet

but
without a blink of eye
without a single sense of feeling unsure
without a word, from a thousands unspoken.
i'll just pretend that im fine with it.
im ok.


so long, my sneakers
love, darren.

refuse to sleep.

i refuse to sleep,

although my body telling me he want to rest

it rained hard,
i cant remember when was the last time it rained
the night is so peacefully beautiful
light breeze caress me over
embraces me into herself

letting my self fall asleep too early would be a waste,
with beautiful music playing thru my wooden speaker
im falling into my own heaven again

when the raindrops fall at such a perfect moment,
miracles happen,
i'm blissfully enjoying the night like no one else would do
and it is just another ordinary miracle in my life.

-----
and so,
i keep looking for excuses to stay awake,

just a lil later than usual.

alone in the pool.

i fell in love with moments in the pool alone
i purposely choose hours when there's no people in the pool
when i can pretend the pool belongs to me, my private pool
dive in, and swim around.

i fell in love with moments when i swim alone
it is funny when you're alone doing something
more thoughts will come across
its like there's a voice which u can tell its ur own, inside ur head
mumbling more than a thousand words, to you

it might be something important,
like the motivation or reason to swim
or something irrelevant or stupid,
like the crazy thought to swim naked.

especially when i go beneath the surface,
i cant hear any other voice, the world turned silent
but still my voice speaks louder,
yet i turned deaf,

im lost.

i shut my eyes as hard as i could
and try as hard as i could to find my own voice again
finally i found it in an echo of my own

thats when i feel safe again.


-------------------------------
so many thoughts in a short session in the swimming pool

thats how i listen to myself.

im disconnected.

hey, being disconnected wasn't that bad at all
no chatting
no urge to check mail
no problem breathing
not as bad i thought it'd be

instead, i have more time doing other stuff
more time with guitar
and cleaner room
and some ideas for the next painting
and some dusty books are read once again


free urself from something u cling to
things aren't that bad as u thought it would be afterall

beside the window.

when ure 21 years ol' and busy with ur life as a 21 years ol'
u hardly get a chance to sit alone
looking out from the window
and suddenly see the slideshows of past few years of ur life playing on the pale blue sky

i had that chance today
and i just thought that how fast time has been moving
like i always thought

but i just realized that i hasn't ever realized how much time has changed me

my likings,
my lifestyle,
and my personality.

to good or bad,
i dont know...
but there were changes...
all along the way.

thank god, for moments near the window.
:)

filled.

if u asked why am i so busy recently
id hesitate for somewhile or might not be able to answer you
days were hectic that i lost track of things i do
what i remember was few performances,
loads of school work and
meeting countless person...

life was once empty but now its full
like an empty bottle filled full with rocks at first
that full.
but then sand took the remaining spaces
letting every inches in the bottle filled

*busy life let me forget there are empty spaces

now i don't care whatever it takes to fill them up.


when is the water coming in?

illusion.

tell me its not real,
that illusion that appeared
on your night where stars were glittering
and the moon were splendid

when everything are perfect.

and the perfection happened
without the picture of me appearing in ur painting


you don't paint loneliness anymore.
and i guess thats the end of the story...

wait, wait, wait.

do you hate the feeling of waiting?
been waiting for the past,
and waiting in the present for the future to fall
waiting for the unforeseen to unfold itself
so uncertain, and so unconvincing
u chose to give up or stay up for the uncertainty?
that sometimes seems like an tunnel with no end
waiting can be a form of torture

i hate to wait
but im born with the patience to wait
i waited for the grad photo session
i waited in in lines for hours
i waited for my reply of blood test for days
i waited for my cactus to grow for months
i waited for you, for years.

waiting, everyone around is waiting,
some waited somewhile,
some waited for too long,
while some waiting themselves to give up waiting.

they're all the same,
the followers of waitings,
the slaves of an unforeseen future.

what they can do is only wait,
because no one can fast forward the tick of clock.


so you choose to go home to sleep?
or stay here with me?

leave me alone, guitar.

when i have to keep my eyes on the screen full with words
when i have to lay my fingers on keyboard
when i have to work for hours just to finish up my part of work

the guitar lying quietly on its stand
has turned into a form of distraction

she don't move
she's still
and she dont have to say a word

seducing me wanting herself in my embrace

how to keep my self from falling into her?
oh, the beautiful 6 stringed instrument in my room

stay away, stay away for awhile...

our song - 4:06.

i hate sentimental songs
thats why this sweet song is playing on my winamp, repeating over and over again
its not that im in love
perhaps i want to disguise myself
concealing the truth that im somehow living with some negative thoughts and mood

so,
let me forget the sad melody of kissgoodbye
and temporary live in the sweet tunes of forever love

i'll pretend the story's mine, until the end of the song.

i'm not a star, but i got my pride.

its raining hard out there,
can u hear the voices of pouring rain when u read this line?

im emo-ing here,
can u hear my heart beat when u read this line?
*
*
how many raindrops fell onto places

how many hearts break into pieces

how long have i been living in illusion

how long it took me from dream to realization

how the night with a downpour wet the edge of my passion

and how could i make it through with memories to renaissance.




its raining again. :)
heavy rain always put me in a type of mood even me myself couldn't classify
left me petrified clinging to loneliness,
and yet fortified by my sense of unconsciousness.

that could only be justified by singing it out, saying it out, or writing it out.

i chose the latter.

numbers.

my head wasnt really blank

indeed it was packed with stuffs that i dont need
the ink of the pen that i was i holding awaiting to be released
i stare on the paper filled with strange lines and writings

what strange?
it is because all out of a sudden i couldnt recognize a word on it
they were numbers,
numbers that ive been taught
since the day when parents decided that im old enough to be taught
numbers that im so familiar with yet hated for
numbers that caused confusions when it is put together
and more confusions when I have to put them together

3 ? 7 ?2 ? 8? how did somebody created those thing?
suddenly i gazed at the number like that is the first time im shown to it.
im like an newborn infant
the shape is so weird, y it is 8 shaped like this "oo" ?


the closer i look into it
the further away i'll be from my sense of logic


I'm LOST, IN the numbers On my maths paper.

hug.

give me a hug.
and ull warm my heart

shred away the doubts
and distance apart

give me a hug
worth more than a thousand bucks

i need a hug
in the night so dark.

thursday night.

i turned off the tv
i turned off the lights
the world is still moving

i refuse to write
i refuse to paint
there'll still be millions of thoughts waiting to be expressed

i dont see
i dont hear a thing
but it never change the fact that refuses to become a history

things that conceal it self from what bare eyes could see
never really went away.

it has been always there.

is it goin to rain?

is it goin to rain?

the weather report says its gonna rain
but its now evening and there's not a drop of rain yet
i always wondered what would they do if they're prediction is not accurate
cz it always seemed like no one give a damn anyway
they'll just forget bout it ,isnt?

my sixth sense says its not gonna rain!
but outside my window the sky is so dark that anyone would say a storm is coming
but my logical mind battled with the instinct that has been inaccurate lately
but even if it doenst rain later, who will give a damn bout my prediction anyway?
they'll just forget about it, isnt ?


neither the weather report nor my intuition can be relied on
but if i were to choose one,
i'd choose the latter.

hehe.

the weather in this small little town i lived in is so unpredictable
things are always that unpredictable. aren't they ?

incomplete song - 0:39.

there's an incomplete song
that i wrote some time ago
but i havent got the inspiration
i havent gather enough courage
to complete it, yet

it has always been there
that 39 seconds of melody
mumbling words unspoken to u

im afraid that
id spoil the incomplete masterpiece upon completion
im afraid that
beautiful things that always looked perfect
would turn imperfect in my effort to make it perfect

ignorance left me blissful
and at the same time, worries in the state of happiness


the incomplete melody playing in my mind
will be left behind incomplete
left behind
as a beautiful tune in my memory



awaiting your acknowledgement.
awaiting to be forgotten
awaiting my courage of conviction.
awaiting to be completed.

untitled.

ive sang countless songs, but im not a singer,
for the songs i sang are melodies of others' heartbreak

ive painted for ages, but im not a painter
for i dont always lay my words in colors

ive wrote thousands of words, but im not a poet
for the proses i wrote are only dedicated for myself

i think its better to leave me undefined.

4:19.

there's a song
that ive lost count listening over and over again
but still,
i dont understand its meaning

what's in the melody at 3:15 minutes?
why are the words sang are so abstract?

lovers in the song chose to stay or left each other?



im stranded,
with alot of questions that probably no one could ever give answers to .

and i kept listening the same song over and over again.

9 x 11.

i like to be alone
because when you're alone
u tend to think alot,
things that u've missed out crossed ur mind
and make you realise many things that u should had realised earlier

i hate to be alone
because when i'm alone
i tend to think alot,
like, when the world is gonna comes to an end
and many other stupid little things that (probably) wouldnt happen to me

loneliness to me is like cigarettes to smokers

you knoe its killing you softly
yet it is so addictive
strangles you in every minute of it
yet not letting you loses your breathe

its a feeling that u cant explain,
its like an ecstasy that u could only taste by being alone
sometimes i somehow enjoyed this rollercoaster-ride
of feeling like dying and being alive again.



being alone is some sort of suicidal, i knoe
and i chose to be alone.

im not in the mood to write.

its a perfect weather
the guitar is crying for my touch
the pen wants me to hold her so much
and my heart has thousand words to say
loads of melodies awaiting to be filled with lyrics

but still
im not in the mood to write
the too- perfect settings doesnt trigger my desire to write
one reason is already enough for me to not write

ah, and still
i wrote this.

i just realised i'm writing.

imperfection - a self portrait.

its named imperfection - self portrait.

it depicts the imperfection
in hims and hers
in them...
in you
and in me.

under the beautiful outer layer
how do u look like?