road.

anyone still havnt know that
my sense of direction has been lacking?

i got lost in places
in the little city i grown up in
i couldnt find my way to the town
in the place im living in
i turned to the left side
when the right side was on my right side
there's a compass in everybody's head
but mine always loses its function when i needed it the most

is there any medication in this world
to help me with my problem?

but im heading to you now
would you lead me the way to you
so that i can finally safely land on ur heart?

i might lose my self in you.
before the end of the journey.

the oldman selling ice-cream on the street.

the old man selling ice cream on the street
does he enjoy being in colourful outfit?

the kid ran over to the oldman
bought an rainbow coloured ice-cream
and then walked away with joy

the old man selling ice cream on the street
has he ever once fell in love with ice cream too?

the oldman selling ice cream on the street
he's selling shortlived happiness on a cheap.
who's buying? who's buying?

the old man selling ice cream on the street
has he ever once fell in love with ice cream too?

hmmm.. i wondered i wondered

and i bought an ice-cream.

notre amo'ur est beau.

if she likes to walk in the rain
do grab a handful of warmth from ur pocket
and give it to her

if she forgets the beauty of the blue cloudy sky
do hold her hand and lie on the grass of green
under the sunlight


love is like an angel behind the mask
she's watching over us.

i use the fax machine.

i used to write down those unhappy things on a piece of paper
and then fax it to myself
-
words on the paper need some time to fade away
therefore,
ur pain and sorrow will also fade away
as time goes by
-
until its very very blur
until we can hardly recognize wats written there

and then,
the paper become blank again

-
but it will never be like the same again
-
yellowish.., stained.., and wrinkled
-
it will never be like the same again
there must be some marks on it
more or less
-
there must be some.

its easy to taste the sweetness,
but everthing means nothing to me

i need a reason to love.

i always believe that if i study hard enough.

i always believe that

if i study hard enough

there's no doubt that i'll be a flat 4 student

not going to the exam hall empty headed

finish up my ink in the exam,(and then raise my hand and ask for extra pen and paper)

writes like shakespear in my literature

and answers like einstein in my maths paper

maybe,

that 's the reason why i wouldnt wanna study

cz if i studied and didnt manage to score

that's when i couldnt accuse my laziness

to be responsible for my (poor)result anymore

then id have nothing else to blame.

over the distance.

pls. just hang up
dont wanna talk anymore

wont wanna let u hear words u wanted to hear
i dont want you to cry on the phone

dont wanna act like a child
reluctant to say goodbye
pls .just hang up

dont say u'll miss me
dont wanna depend too much on the tenderness u give over the telephone line
every seconds that went by thru the telephone line
cuts deeper into my wound

can u hear my heart's bleeding ?

cause i heard yours.


so, pls hang up, just hang up.

raindrops.

its raining again
i hear voices of water
crashes on the roof of a house with 1 car and 4 family members and 1 dog in it
falls on leafs of a tree near the children playground
and then helplessly drips on the ground of the street where we first met
and then flow with the rest of them into the drain beneath


do the rain falls in a line ?
or drop by drop?
like infinite of transparent pearls falling from above
and crashes into pieces again when they meet the ground

when we kiss,
the time will stop for us for that very moment
and everything around us will freeze in motion
and then go turn back to where they began
over and over again.

that's when i can see,
the rain falls drop by drop
like infinite of transparent pearls
sent to us on heaven's name

there's a type of pen with invisible ink that only can be seen under the uV lights.

i wrote ur name on my hand.
with invisible ink
that only can be seen under uv lights.
that only can be seen by me myself

that no one elses can see

my beautiful little secret.

can u see ur name on my hand?
its always been there with me

but todae,
i wrote ur name on my hand

with a type of pen with invisible ink that only can be seen under uV lights.

-

for the love ahead of time.

next time when we meet again

pls stop the time from turning back

will u see the feelings

that i tried so hard to hide?

-

dont give me another glance

dont try to tell me you miss me too, with those beautiful eyes

im scared that i couldnt recognize

and i'll fall into the sorrow again, for the umpteen times

-

-

if i love

then turn around and walk away

survive with scattered memories of u beneath the heart of mine

if i love

pls, just turn around and walk away

for the sake of the love ahead of our time

-

-

with myself, ive learnt to be patient

not looking for another you, anywhere else

pls take good care of, the dreams which only time will tell
-
-

-
i whispered to you millions of time inside my head

i Love, i Love,...i Lo.v..e ..
and i smiled and walked away

just walked away

-

-we wait, we pray, we dream.

2.

can i give my body and soul to two different ppl ?

if the soul have to touch the other souls over and over again to understand its perfect mate

y cant the body continue to search for its other half ?

-

-

do u understand?

do you understand that ive understood

when ure not by my side,

i can imagine that ure just right here beside me

the feeling is so real, i can even touch and feel you

ure so close to me, cz ur soul is with me
-

but sometimes when ure with me,

our souls can be so tensed up, and even frozen in ice,

or lingering somewhere else,with someone else

-

-

arent body and soul are meant to be, are supposed to be together ?

how could you broke it into two?

-

-

i'll be waiting for the day when they find each other again.

i still havent found what im looking for.

things i planned to buy
1. Guess watch
2. mp3 player with built-in voice recorder
3. a digital camera

things ive lost recently
1. rm900
2. brown RL t-shirt
3. faith in strangers

things ive get accidentally
1. wooden acoustic guitar
2. lost wallet
3. phone call from a long lost friend
4. paulo coelho - eleven minutes
5. a warning - look deceived everyone else

things im still looking for
1. a light blue tee written number 10
2. ticket to watch a movie
3. idea of baby names (male)
4. time to finish some books
5. reason to love unconditionally

the english teacher and the boy in the maths class.

the boy gave his everything in the maths test
but the english teacher,
who knoes nothingNOTHING bout the boy, who knoes nothing bout algebra
asked the maths teacher to fail the boy.
-

she wasnt there when the boy confesses his story,his will and his dream

she'll never see how much effort the boy has put into maths
she forgotten that no one in this world understand the boy better than the maths teacher.

-

-

just because she FELT that the boy' wasnt concentrating in class..
the boy SHOULDN'T continue.
-
she dont know its not easy to be the boy

she dont know the boy prayed everynite.

and the numbers wouldnt go away from his mind

even after he turned off the lights before he goes to bed.

-
hope she'll understand that little things might change the fate of the boy.
who knoes the boy might be the next Einstein.

-

-

he will. :)

look deceives. deceived everyone else..

the staircase of my apartment.

the elevator was out of service
so i used the stairs
the stairs where we used to step on once upon a time
every steps i take
still reminds me of you
the reason why u take the stairs even the elavator is functioning
the staircase lights tat flickers in that night

and the staircase which seemed too narrow for us to walk together

still reminds me,

of us.
-
im back to the staircase again
i want to count every steps i took
i swear i knew what im doing

but the journey seems too long for me to remember all the little reasons that brought me here.
-
-
the staircase in my apartment

it's only 4th floor
but why
it felt like it'll never end
-
sometimes it's like a never ending staircase
i dont know when i'll reach the place i wanted to go
-
-
-- - - - -
one step, two steps, three steps..
-
-
and still going..

Lost & found.

The wallet left behind,
it took me too long to find u missing
away from me , where else could u be ?
lying on the street, not knowing wat to do
still waiting for me to come back to you
or in someone else's pocket?
i begin to panic,
why,
only when ure gone.
-
wallet left behind,
i found it in the other corner of my world
and i took it home again
"phew.." i realived.. "now ure back to me again"
i promise that i'll never let u go again, no.
-
but i was being naive
i should have realise things will never be the same again
no matter how i look at you,
the pocket seems wrinkled no matter from which angle
the colour seems faded away
and
ur heart is missing...
-
i wanna patch things back
want you to come with me like what we did before
wanna replace the bank notes with new one
and act like nothing's happened
-
but why i couldnt understand,
that things will never be the same again?
at least, there will always be a big hole in my bank account.
why i couldnt see
you will never be the same again.
-
-
-
lost and found,
who's the bastard who stole ur heart?
-
-
the wallet once left behind carelessly,
now u're still with me,

i should be happy.
but things will never be the same again.
-
-
-
never

over and over again.

if there's one day

i have to gohav to gohave to go

wouldnt have to live in your uncertainties

i'll still be singing

missing you, missing you, missing you.

-

i could just let it gole t it go l etit go

but everytime when u call when u cal l whenu cal

i just cant hold the urge to say missing youmisisng uoy missing you

-

i'll set u free,altho i cant understand.

i'll give u the keys

to come back to me, or walk out the door, or come back again

knowing tat i'll reserve my everythingevthing everyhting

for youfor u4 you.

-

if there's one day when im goneim gone ima gon e

u'll be singing

-

missingyou missing youu,missing you.

-

-

-

i repeat over and over again

-

missing you, missing you, missing you.............................................

Frozen.

The sun never turns up today
the bird lost its way back
the clock on my table is ticking
but why the sky outside my window isnt changing
-
-passion makes everything stop
my time is frozen since i last heard from you
u know a single trace or news from you
would melt everything back in places
-
i'll be waiting,
until the moonlight dries up the melting frozen heart.

a movie date.

a date for movie

it's the only thing of the day i can look foward to

it doesnt matter.

whter its a million dollar production

or its just an odd film

under the dimmed lights

infront of the giant screen

why

ure the one ive been watching throughout the hours

-

everylittle things u do distract me from the movie

even its giggles, or cough or a smile on ur face

can be nicer to watch than any of the scene playing in the room

-

-

*I only want to concentrate

-

in you.

-

-

ive seen alot movie stars on the screen

but why

for the very moment,

none of them is better looking

than the one sitting right beside me now

--:)

-

when a friend asked me about the story line,

i dont think i can even tell them what ive watched

coz the reason im on a movie date

is not the movie :p

-

its you.

-

*they wouldnt understand why.

-

-

a date for movie

seems like its the only tommorow i can look foward to

next time when we're on a date for movie

would you let me noe

whether im the only one distracted?

-
-
-
would you?

cz i cant see the lake on the mountain.

i still dont understand where the water from the waterfall comes from
people says there's a big pool on the top of the mountain
and the water were just streaming downhill
like a very steep river
-
is there really a lake on the mountain?
if yes
then why we never get to see it?
if there's a lake on the mountain
why does the waterfall never runs out of water
even there's no rain?
-
i want to sit at the river stone
to prove that im right
the waterfall will runs out of water and stop one day
-
-
thousands feet of sparkling water
i believe the water were pouring down from heaven
cz i cant see the lake on the mountain
cz i dont see the waterfall runs out of water
so water must be pouring down from heaven
-
-
-
peoples have been using waterfall to describe their love
cz the waterfall will never runs dry
-
cz the water fell from heaven

ah, love.

hey,love

I look at u, from afar

ure still as beautiful as the day we met

but u knoe

theres something between us that words cant tell

-

hey, love

I look at u,right infront of me

i see time passed me tenderly

sometimes i wonder if there's really tat much of time left for me

so many people came to our world and then left

shall we just follow the nature?

-

The world is too hectic and busy

no one will really care for wat uve lost or how uve been hurt

but why,

why youre the one and only

that special someone who differs from any other ppl in the world

seems like i couldnt hide away

from the love that are fated for me

-

hey, love

dare not dream for someday

when we dont have to struggle in the river of love

I need noone elses to understand what ive got for u

I just have to keep this beautiful liltle dream beneath my heart

and the warmth is already enough for me

i dare not ask for more

for now,

i dare not ask for more.

-

hey,love

u always talk bout our dream

pls believe me,

sometimes i dare not close my eyes and dream

i dare not dream for a single thing that we've dreamt of

-

what is counted as love?

ah,love,pls dont come any nearer to me

i wouldnt want the wounds on my back to be touched

cz your tenderness has become the cause of my misery

has become the knives that slices thru my pain

-

hey love,

if there's one day

i carelessly left you behind

would u pls forgive me..?

-

cz its only because my heart has bleed to death.

-

-

-

would you?

an accident.

anyone out there still believes in co-incidence?

which is right after u said something

there's somebody in the other corner uttering the exact words uve just said

that somebody was in a different chat topic

but uttered the same language same words same line

in the same time, same place.

-

-

it was so crowded, so loud

that u wouldnt hear ur own voice even if ure distracted for a second

but still,

that somebody's voice was so clear.

every word was so clear.

so loud...

-

-

-

hm, try to recall how we met each other?

was it merely because of co-incidence?

or there's somethign else?

-

-

-

-

-

shhh....

i believe in fate.

i always do. . .

11am, lying on the bed ,wide awake.

11am, im still lying on the bed

for the past ten minutes

I tried very very hard

to recall what ive dreamed of last nite

want to remember

because i remember, its all about you

-

-

ahh.. but seems like dreams are meant to be forgotten

it was so clear, like u can touch and feel them

but in the moment u open ur eyes

the memory just dissapear..snap

in a fraction of second

-

-

how good if there's a device

to record down my dream while im asleep

and then i could replay them over and over again

those sweet moments we yet to go thru

-

yah.. dream on

but before its invented

let me really crack my head again

and think of wats in the dream..

-

-

11am, im still lying on the bed.

-

-

-

dreaming, with my eyes wide open

-

-

-

-

p/s: i asked, how to dream of someone evnight?

u said, must think and misses them, all day long. badly.

-

-

-

wanted to tell u

-

-

i did.

all day long,

badly.

-

-

-

p/s : dont forget our dreams.

paris' 15 °C.

30 °C outside my window,

winamp playing "je' taime madame" inside my room

view of Opera de Paris Bastille in my desktop

and the weather report

-

-

in the hot and humid afternoon

i try to picture my self in the Louvre Museum

breathing the air of Jardin du Luxembourg

making a wish infront of Fontaine de Medicis

-

-

15 °c in Paris,

how'd it feel standing on the eiffel tower?

how'd the coffee by the street taste like?

how'd it feel to be there with u?

-

-

pls time, pls

quickly pass me by...

would you slip away without letting me know?

-

i want to be there

as soon

as possible ..

-

i cant wait. ..

monster.

he gives you sweets
he gives you poison
he knew he's the only cure to it
he knows your heart is aching
but he wouldnt let you die
his heart is aching for you
but he wouldn't relieve the pain in you

you should know
he's everywhere, no matter you want it or not
he'll appear anywhere, no matter you need him or not
it's not important anymore
whether u think there's love or not
you cannot stand it anymore
but it feels like you can never runaway.


he's a monster
he's a monster

he's a monster in us.

sweetest torture.

I guess i could just look away

dont wanna look at ur face

and pretend that i dont care, dont miss u anymore

-

i guess i could just smile at somebody new

somebody sweet and kind

who would try to get you off my mind

-

I guess I could leave this agony behind

or take a sleeping pill at night

so that i dont have to go through what i go through

-

If i could listen to the dating tip

and pretend u dont exist

and dont have to dream what i dream of

-

i guess i could take cigratte and beer

and act like u've gone away

-

-

but i cant,

i dont want to

i dont want to get over you

dont want to get over love.

-

-

-

p/s : ur love is my sweetest torture.

standard time.

before 3 o'clock, afternoon
its time for breakfast
and ur greetings is my breakfast

without mom's cooking.
after 12 o'clock, midnite
its time for sleepless nite
or i'd say,
im not sure whther im awake or asleep.
-ure my supper for sleepless night.


i cannt see anething
its only you
everytime i close my eyes
night turns into day
the closer i get to u,
the clearer i see the distance between us
sometimes i feel safe
another minute i feel insecure
before we have enough space to communicate
u may not understand this language of mine.
i may not understand ur little hints.



before we're together.
i'll give u some time
to get use to my time.
before we hold each other's hand
do give me some time
to get use to ur time. : )

have the postman delivered my love?

the soul is who you are
when u strip away
the body
the mind
and heart

we're not perfect,
we come with baggage
u may not look the way i thought u'd look
u may have flaws that i dont like it very much
but when our souls are together
u're somehow perfect for me.

waiting for you,
its so special
its a decision made in our hearts
that sometimes feels as it were made in heaven

waiting for you,
if the love passes the test of time,
then it's real.



i knoe it's real.


p/s: have the postman delivered my love ?

fireworks display in mitc.

I wrote a song for you
the night was so beautiful
the moonlight was just too sparkling,
the fireworks appeared at the perfect moment
and i just can't stop this melody
playing inside my head.

Missing you,
it's like a drug formed inside my body
cruises thru every single vessels in my body
penetrates thru the thick thick heart of mine
Finally,
the chemistry turned into melody
every changes of rhythm signifies your uncertainties
every whisper of lyrics express my feeling towards you
every pitches of note cries my distance from you

i just have to write a song for you
the night's too beautiful
the star's too sparkling
the firework makes everything perfect
and i just cant figure out how to stop this melody
from playing inside my head

so,
i wrote it down
i wrote a song for you,

for you.

sleepless night.

when you are extremely exhausted and tired

after the long day is over

-

-

the feeling come to you

when u dont need it the most

when u desperately need some sleep

-

-

it stay on the bedside, all night long.

and refuse to go away.

-

-

-

p/s:

havent i told you, how much i

only in my dreams, i

u have killed me.

i wish i wouldnt have to take all this responsibility
can't you just be stronger for all your needs?
cause you're like a baby sitting on the ground
and crying for someone to come to ease your bleed

But I say you'll see,
i'd make you see
every detail of this damning life
I still can see,I still can feel
but all the words just make me wanna cry


and I cannot buy you a future
i cannot give you the answer
i cannot be ur savior

i cant save myself either...

je t'aime

if only i can read your mind,
i wouldnt have to wonder if ure thinking of me, or not.
if only i can read your mind,
u wouldnt have to cry alone in the night. heart broken.
_
_
no..
even if i can read your mind
but i cant win back ur soul. uve given it to someone else.
even if i can read ur mind
can i ever accept the fact that u r letting me go ?
even if i can read ur mind
will i ever know where your heart wants to go?
_
_
i'd rather let u read mine
so that u'll see what's inside.
_
_

over the distance.

have u ever?
there's once in ur life,
just once, when u can see lights shining from heaven
when the distance between u and her is so far away

*but across the room
u can feel that the movement of her necklace locket
is perfectly same as the rhythm of ur breathing

u knoe she's watching u,
with the eyes of her heart
u knoe if u both were to write a love story of ur own
they wont be any forewords,
u knoe she wants u
u knoe if there wasnt so many things to care for
u both are willing to give up just anything
and everything
to be together

but at last u still have to bite ur lips,
and wait for the right time to come.

-

-

-

-

-

p/s : i.........

wrong ending.

If Superman died because of bird flu
in the end of the story
how could i accept the fact

once my hero when i was young
suddenly lost his superpowers.

i refuse to accept the way the story end.



If Rose didnt met Jack on Titanic
and never seen each other for the rest of their life
and passed by each other

their death must be colder than the one in iced-water
without the love

i refuse to forget how they supposed to end



If Sizuka is not marrying with Nobita
the thing i believed in for so long
crashes into pieces in a fraction of second

after all the laugther, tears and waiting
ended up with loneliness.

i refuse to accept the way the story end.



p/s : i . . .

journey to paris

flight to paris

2lvridthv2lv

they cant buy they cant find what we want the most
even in the best conveniece store

because it's only available in the hand of the one we love

room 3x5.

Goodnight, my beautiful stranger

and we shall meet in my dream tonight

if that's the only way to be close to you

if that's the only way for us to be together.

starting line.

Things are gettig busier these days
and i dont think it will get any easier someday
for the past two years life has been very easy
like and vacation on a remote island

Tommorow im gonna wake earlier
to have a proper breakfast
to rearrange my closet
and clean my room
ad buy fishes to fill in the abandoned aquarium

and start my life again,
for the Xxth times.



Goodnite Malacca
The peaceful little town where i live my life in
would u take me back to the place i belong to?

because that's the starting line where i can begin my journey to the world.


take me back, take me back.

not too much of urself.

I liked the moment when im alone,
but no , not too much
I have to learn to live with others
the world is too small for this type of people.

i liked to wander in the art museum
let the colours nuture my soul
but no, no too much
im in business field, not art.

I need music to give me warmth
to be my blanket when im cold
to be my direction when im lost
but no, not too much
i have to be independant.

Id like to be a traveller
not a business man, not an aviator, not a star
and go to places where no one had been to
but no, not too much,
the world is far too cruel to live my dream.

i liked myself
but no, not too much
i believe no one in this world
could be himself, could live herself
coz it's never enough to be urself.



never enough.

p/s: before the day i prove myself wrong, i have to continue to pretend myself to be somebody else.

remember valentine's day.

valentine's day is coming
cupid wanders around
may lovers stay in the river of love
and loners fall in it
lover's christmas on the 14th of feb
let love falls like november's snow
let love be the sweater of lovers

valentine's day is coming
where are the roses belonged to me
love letters sent by heaven's name
leave it on my doorside
before the sweet day is over

remember valentine's day
a day to mourn for love which havent find its way
understand that
there's too many lovers' still apart from each other
a day to be loved,
to give
and to love the one beside you


p/s:sometimes i secretly hope that every lovers will receive a heart-shaped card from heaven

as a prove that he/she had been in love this valentine.

i got 55 years of time in hand.

I heard alot people complaining saying that they're running out of time or they wish they have more time or theres not enough time.

*

I think they're like a girl who is holding a bag of candies and having one in her hand

but still , she ask her dad for more candies.

*

it's the same thing isnt?

god gives you a lifetime to spend (human has an average age of 74 for male, and 79 for female.)

*

i got 55 years left breathing if i die by the age of 74.

*

55 years can be very long yet very short

very long because the pace of the clock ticking and there's too many things i can do before i die

very short because

we're estimated 3000 years away from the end of the world and i dont know whether the next tallest building will be completed in 55 years time.

*

sometimes i wish i could live long enough to see a reallife robot maid, at least.

*

and last afternoon i went thru a article about human being, and its written there that children borned this year may be able to live beyond the age of 130. read it here.

*

to prove that statement is true by myself, i have to live up to 150 years old to make it.

*

*

*

ok, let this be my new year wish. long live darren chuah.

*

*

*

p/s: u havent even finish using the first quater of ur time, so stop asking for more, god wont make it come true.

kiss goodbye.

mp3: Kiss Goodbye.

Baby stop crying for me

i remembered those moment when my hands tightly held yours

and we were reluctant to let each other go

sometimes i wanna tell u those words so much

but everytime i chose to remain silence

-just give me one more minute

and a last glance of your beauty

*

happpiness mixed with sadness

pierced thru my heart in the same time

tears cant seem to weight how much love we had

i cant take back the love given to you

and sorry

im not able to return what ive owe you

please

dont take my heart away from me.

*

everytime when im apart from you

im so deeply defeated by you

everytime after i let your tenderness passed me by

where to release the pain and sorrow i have inside?

*

everytime when im apart from you

and everytime i kiss you goodbye

that's when i finally understand the taste of love,

more than anyone elses do.

*

that's when i realise

i couldnt lose you

and that's the moment when i realise,

ive lost you

completely.

28 days leave.

first of all , thank you for viewing my page. i appreciate it so much and i guess thats the power that support me and my inspiration.

since the day i started this blog, i enjoyed every moment i spent in this blog..
whether its thinking of the correct grammar to use
the feeling when i got funny dialogue in the chat box
or when i reading the back feedback ..

i think
maybe this is another way to find happiness,
the simple way,
to share . and to be heard,
how simple. =)

but due to some personal reason, i will stop writing,no..stop posting my writings here for 28days.

and again,
so long till i blog again.

p/s : i love my friedns

last christmas.

Christmas never meant as much to me as I wanted it to be.
Years goes by, time slips away,
I keep on telling my self,
It's just another 25th of December,
When I watch through the window,
I can hear children playing and laughing so loud,
I can see present all under the christmas tree.

When I called home,
Trying as hard as I can,
To catch the aroma of happiness,
To feel the warmth of love,
Through the telephone line.
When I sat here all alone,
And watched the invisible snow,
Fallin’ down outside.
* * * * *.
* * * *
* * * * *
***
Maybe;
I can just step out of the doorway,
And leave my loneliness inside the empty house,
But don’t know why,
I left my heart frozen
In the cold cold Christmas,
Again.
***
*
* * * * *
* - ** - *
Merry Christmas,
i said to my self...
* * * * * * * *
** * * ** * *
********
******
wrote:25th DECEMBER 2004CHRISTMASnight

i want nothing for this christmas.

i want nothing for this christmas
santa havent give me what i wanted last year.
i wanted to go home
i wanted a dog
i wanted someone special
to ask me what i want for christmas

reindeer passed my house by
santa forgot to give me the present i ask for
i want a j200 acoustic guitar
i want to watch perhaps love
i want someone that that really knoe
what i really want for christmas

i ask for nothing this christmas
i knoe santa will never make my wish come true.

to save me from dissapointment
i wish for nothing this christmas,
so santa can finally make it come true. =>

im a person with record of plastic sugery.

actually im a person with record of plastic sugery
at least my teeth was in braces for two long years
taking care of teeth in braces aint easy at all
u will get tooth decay if the food stuck between or in or any place near ur teeth
so i have to brush my teeth day,night,after meals, or even after drinking a coke
so my doc wouldnt babble or
give lecture on the importance of brushing teeth or the correct way to brush my teeth

i remember
everytime when everytime im in a dental appointment
the doc will give me a piece of purple sweet little gummy thing to chew
and then
if he can see purple stain on my teeth
mean its not clean enough
and i have to brush over and over again
until the doc say OK

that's when i realise it's not easy at all to clean teeths with metals around them
everytime i have to stand infront of the mirror in the clinic
and brush, and brush

until my chin is kinda numbed by the menthol
but still, i brush frequently

because of this, now im kinda like addicted to the smell and taste toothpaste

i dont think i can live without it

-

as time goes by

this habit slowly devolved

from five times per day, to three

sometimes two.

+

+

next time if im in watson or guardian

or shop where u can find almost everything in there

i wanna buy a new toothbrush

and a brush specially made for the back molar

and dental floss

and a whitening toothpaste

+

+

p/s :

today onwards

i wanna brush my teeth properly, like the way i used to.

concert in my skol's main hall.

always wanted to let u knoe
people under the stage,or an audience, is also a performer.

of course,i also can say that, every living individual were performing.

the diffrence is, many little things the audience do will affect the performer on the stage. So, the one on the stage is distracted and then make mistakes, or start to think about some stupid little stuff, like wat his/her pet is doing etc.

sometimes i realise that audience are performing using their own unique way, too, using digi cam or low quality fone cam which can hardly capture anything, make calls to give live telecast to their friend in Subang Jaya, cheer for their friend, or scream for no reason to attract attention, Recording, or listening MD player, or close their eyes because they cannot stand those who is talking and making noise which is louder than the performer's.

Sometimes i listen to their chat topic instead of what's going on on the stage.

seven habits of neurotic teens.

Some of my friends have been reading "7 habits of highly effective teens". im not an effective teen, but i definitely got more than 7 share-able habits to share here.

7 habits of mine:

1. when eating chicken wings, i counted how many chickens were killed. well, not much ppl know i actually doing this all the time, but i have been doing this for the past few years.
2. some ppl can sleep with their jeans and shoes on,oh god i wonder how they do it. i wear at MOST 2 piece of cloth or below, and must bathe at MOST half and hour b4 i off to bed. if not it's impossble for me to get a good sleep.
3. cannot sleep if there's any source of light. even the blue LED lights of graphic card of my comp can interrupt me.
4. must read something while poo-ing, it can be in any source. if there wasnt any book, i'd read the label or tag of shampoo, or even toothpaste's. if not, my poos cant seem to find their way out.
5. listen to the same song over and over again. if there's any favorite song of the day, i will listen to it for a long whole day. the record is bout 16 hours of a single track. glad my ex-roommate make it through.oh ,is tat one of the reason he's my ex-roommate?
6. im half naked most of the time in my room/home. after a bathe of course i'll get nicely dressed, but the cloth on my upper body can stay no longer than half and hour. sometimes even minutes. i think the wheather in malaysia is hot.
7. must wear perfume everytime i step out of my door. should i say i must make sure i smell good. there's a story behind it.

definition of "habit":

a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

7 habits of peoples around me:

1. drink a lil too much water. i heard this causes death. but my friend still going strong.
2. likes to sing loudly staring at the windows media player or winamp. act like there's a mic in front of him, almost everyday.
3. use their leg to flush the public toilet.
4. like to run-on-the-spot while showering in the bathroom, or jump here and there, or do push-up in that tight little square space.
5. like to test/try/eat/drink friend's food or drink. a good example of SHARING among frens.
6. 3 of my friends BURP really hard, IN PUBLIC. and can u imagine 3 in a group that burp frequently and loudly? i think that's what makes the history teacher cry in the class,hmm, they just cant help it.
7. spent bout 2 hours per day or 1/12 of his lifetime staring in the mirror.

well, i think a habit is something ure doing almost everyday but sometimes u just didnt realize it until u give a thought bout it. so , what's urs ?

p/s: i got a weird habit, i read my own post over and over again.

my room is cleaner than yours.

Some people like to bring me down

starts with different stupid reason why im single

(that's the prime reason me and blake start blogging,

to express our anger towards those who likes to bring ppl down )

continue with my too-laid-back attitude,

and even end with im a person with no personality

and many many other small little stupid things.

who can tell me what ppl mean when they say u got no personality?

yea, i'd just say,

they dont know me at all.

/

i got an ocean here.

/

/

gotta admit i hate to hear those words spoken,

it's like u got no where to hide when ure naked in the public

especially when some fuckers reveal ur weakness in front of everyone.

-

it hurts like spades slicing thru ur heart.

/

/

sigh,

i guess the only thing i can do is to tell myself

that criticism and negative words is only

the vibration of the voice box and windpipe in ur throat

and then

it transformed into an uncomfortable bed

get use to it

or find another person who can give u a comfort one!

/

-

/

dont tell me what i have to do.

i do what i like and i like what i do

and i definitely know what im doing now.

whether it's right or wrong for you.

dont teach me how to live

coz it's not for you.

/

/

always,

it's impossible to keep everyone around you happy,

but at least,

i kept myself feeling this way.

*

i know where im heading to.

*

/

p/s : my room is now cleaner than urs. :p

the piano.

Yesterday i saw the advertisement of pianos in the newspaper
there were normal piano, second hand one , and the grand piano.
grand piano : priced from rm62,800+.
wow, tat's a nice one i think, stated there: richard clayderman( ???) and ray charles' choice..
_
i always wanted a piano, since i was young
but my family couldnt afford it,

so i like to stay back after my primary school class
and watch my teacher plays the piano
i like to stretch out the window
and listen to the girl next door plays the piano,
altho sometimes my mom think it's very noisy
and it's very unfortunate to have such neighbour
but still, i like the way every little parts in the piano
hitting against each other and then come out with amazing tune

the perfect combination of black and white keys

always never fail to attract my ear.

_

actually i envied those who got the chance, altho none of them seems to appreciate it

_

i never really know how to play a piano though

forgive me,

i never get the chance i wanted

i got no professional lessons

but everytime i lay my hand on the instrument

i manage to come out with some untitled melody

i feel like im so close to it

altho the fact that im not.

im so far away from it. =(

_

_

_

i tell myself

one day im gonna own this beautiful stranger,

the piano.

_

_

_

p/s : imagine a grandpiano in ur castle, get the picture? how beautiful

today is a good day to forget about cleaning up my room.

Today is a good day (it's normal for ppl to mention the wheather in their blog,isnt??)
it's raining (well, some ppl dont know)
but the sun still shines
thru the window im waiting for the rainbow
it's too long ago since the last time the world outside my window is so sweet

my room is still very messy though
like my bag
like my table
like my hair
like my life
i wanted to clean everything up, so much
and because of some stupid reason, i didnt
and in the mean time

my body started to get used to this latin-style of messiness
oh, make me feel like this is some kinda beauty, from a diffrent point of view
it's art, like picasso's painting or chopin's tune
i dont think i'll feel any comfortable than this even if everything is on their place

pen on my bed and notebook under the pillow
or jeans on my comp monitor
eks, i dont like this, no.

hey,but it's kinda exercise too when i have to look for my keys, wallet, or handfon almost everytime before i leave my house!

before the day i FINALy got the motivation needed to clean up my room, im gonna live my life like this, not a mess, just a lil bit..er.. un.tidy :p

p/s : today is a good day to forget about cleaning up my room

not single.

Love is like a long vacation,
and on my way to my destination
glad i found you.

just be there,
and comfort me when im down & feeling blue
be there,
and listen to me, with ur heart open.
just be there,
and let me hold and love you.
be there
when i need someone to go to
just be there,
when i need some warmth,
after a long day in the cold cold world.

altho im not sure,
that i will survive till tommorow
altho im not sure
there will be someone else that will love me more than u do
altho im not sure,
that ure the one for me till the end of the road.

before the day when we really have to say goodbye
let's hold each other as tight as we could,
and thank god,

we have each other.






p/s oh no im single! u think its fun?

untitled.

The town wasn't asleep,
light-winged smoke filled every inch of the room
the fast, heavy techno
emotionlessly banged my eardrum
rhythm of digital basses,
a hundred times faster than the tempo of my heartbeat
the devil's saliva
filled my stomach
and soon,
flowed thru my body, and my blood.

the body forgets about tireness
continued to move with the beat
the mind forgets about sunlight
under the dimmed neons
the soul forgets about losing itself
in the space
crowded with lonely souls.

*-I want to finish the happiness i borrowed from tomorrow,
before the end of the music.

the update.

update ur damn blog, i tell myself.

-

it's been 2 days since i last updated the blog, not that im out of things to write. blake and me started the blog together and now seems like he's actively updating the blog,daily. and it's full of intresting stuff! congrats blake! that's what makes a reader wanna come back and read again(but not some boring report of daily activities). yea, blake's post really got me losing my confidence in writing, have to admit this!

-

starting to wonder :

is there anyone who is free enough to read my little feelings?

is there anyone who can stand my frequent spelling and grammar mistakes?

is there anyone who is willing to share my thoughts and my philosophy?

-

i realize there WILL be responsibilities once u become a writer.

-

even if ure writing a short story, u have to be careful so it wont hurt anyone's feeling.

once u started a novel, u HAVE to continue. like J.K.Rowling of Harry Potter.

i must write with and report correctly, it might become the base of my memories,ten or twenty years later.

-

um, it's not competition or what, im not that kinda man who wants to pursue greatness,at least for now im that dreamer who wants to live like an artist who can enjoy life to the FULLEST and forget about archivement, aww..sounds like a jerk rite? but aint it.. ,er peaceful ?

this is the result i got from a personality test.

-

which i think is quite true about me. i know myself more than anyone else.

-

I'm Type B

Type B personalities are relaxed and have a laid-back attitude and posture. They are friendly, accepting, patient, at ease, and generally content. They are at peace with themselves and others. They show a general sense of harmony with people, events, and life circumstances. They tend to be trusting. They focus on the positive aspects of things, people and events. Type B folks are self-encouraging, have inner motivation, are stable and have a pleasant mood. They are interested in others and accept trivial mistakes. They have an accepting attitude about trivial mistakes and a problem-solving attitude about major mistakes. They are flexible and good team members. The Type B person is able to lead and be led.

-

oh back to the confidence part,so what im trying to say is,

-

the lost of my confidence is not like a football game, when 11 taller opponents are standing there facing you ,and u feel weak. no, it's not.

-

-

- - - -im the one sitting in front of the tv with chips in his mouth, watching the game.

-

-

p/s : i was out with g42 till 3 am on the 30th of november and with my fren raymond till 5 am on the 1st of december.tat's the prime reason y i din update my blog. of course i'll continue to update! altho blake is good, but i got my own style OK !? goodnite.

mind.

My psychology class isnt as intresting as i thought it would be.

psychology studies gave me an "magical" impression since i was just a kid. i always wanted to study psychology and be a psychologist. i want to be like some mind reading psycho freak who can really freak ppl out with the ability. like David Blaine.

now the dream seems to fade away because of what im experiencing here in my psychology class.

what i had in mind about psychology:
1. how to distinguish fake and genuine smile. (basic)
2. understand why teens like to watch the OC.
3. mind reading, like i can know someone is thinking of an ice cream or cake just by looking in their eyes. (higher level)
4. how to tell if someone is in love with you simply by observing their movement. (intermediate)
5. if u blink ur eye for more than 26 times in a minute, ure most probably telling a lie.

what i am studying in my psychology class now:
1. human body.
2. diffrent types of perception
3. function of the brain
4. endocrine system
5. major sense, eyesight, hearing, Gustation (taste) etc

i mean, this is kinda intresting, but its boring .(?) i understand it's a basic of studying human being, like if u wanna go diving , first u have to know how to wear all those equipment rite?. and too bad, i got hard time wearing those equiptment. maybe i'll die in the suit even before i got into the water.

* * *

if only i can read your mind,

i wouldnt have to wonder if ure thinking of me, or not.

if only i can read your mind,

u wouldnt have to cry alone in the night. heart broken.

_

_

no..

even if i can read your mind

but i cant win back ur soul. uve given it to him.

even if i can read ur mind

can i ever accept the fact that u never loved me?

even if i can read ur mind

will i ever know where your heart wants to go?

_

_

i'd rather let u read mine

so that u'll see what's inside.

_

_

-mind is just a portion of you.

it's not everything.-

November 30 2005

time;date.

I realize this blog cannot automatically record the date of posting, we have to type the date out manually.

date is important, althought me myself cannot remember the birth date of my own parents till i was aged 19 (opps no, i think ive forgotten my mommy's). but i remember some of my friends'. i remember i wrote my first love letter on the 26th of november, 2002,10.15pm and my first song on the 22nd of october, 2003(time not stated). i remember my birthdate is on the 8th of june, 1986.

we can remember because we recorded it down. not because we remembered.

so now on, i'll put dates in my posts. each blog might be insignificant but i'd like to see dates with them. it's another way to remind myself how fast time is slipping away. like the flow of water in the river.

Ive been reading bout the philosophy of time this weekend. here. u might feel bored or wont even bother with all the complicated and complex explaination about the word TIME but it's really intresting overall. that's when i know the fact that time travelling is actually possible!(nothing is impossible, 5000 years ago human thought it's impossible to solve 6+5 only using ur fingers) .but i think by the time human could actually create a timemachine like Dr. Emmit Brown do in the movie "Back to the Future 1 2 3 4", my great grand children would have already been dead that time.

*( a survey: wat would girl do if they can turn back time?
ans : choose to be single)
just a small survey from a fren of mine, maybe she's just too free =P so what do u think?


anyway..


i'll never say something like "if only i can turn back time".
If time can be turned back, every moment now wouldnt be so precious.




...

p/s : approximately a hundred and forty five seconds slipped away while ure reading this.

Monday November28 2005

nothing special.

blogging is like talking to the wall, with listeners behind it.

wait, im not a superstar or any popular kid in the town, who the heck cares if i ate pasta today or late for a meeting or use darlie to brush my teeth?
but still, peoples blog. they got the desire like anyone else do, they wants to be heard.

well,u placed it there, and now it's their problem whether they wanna read it or not. u dont know whether there's anyone or someone u dont know at all is reading ur blog, tat's y i say listeners are always behind the wall. and till then, u continue talking, and hopefully, you'd be heard like u wanted to be.

-it's just another normal day in my life, nothing special happened that is happening enough to be mention here. tat's when i think, "what if i didnt do anyhting in a long whole day?" like being shackled on my bed and i couldnt do anything for that particular long whole day.

well, i think, as long as my brain is not dead, as long as there's oxygen floating in my room, as long as the sun rises as usual, there will be something to write about.
and
it definitely wont be something tat sounds like this
"im so boring today,i got nothing to do. i slept from 10am till 6 pm on my bed."

...

*the Victoria lake might seems to be a little bit peaceful today, but u can never see wat's happening underneath it.*

Listen to me.

maybe writing is the only way to share my thoughts , i think.

because im useless, helpless if i dont write.
when i dont write, im just another walking corpse with eyes opened.
when i dont write, im just like a man without an identity , feeling unclear about himself, unclear about things happened around him , unclear about love, unclear about ppls. i might get lost in the world of complicated emotions.

so,i know i must write, to live.

izzit happy to write ? i ask myself.

NO, writing only can make ppl feel peaceful, the chaotic type of peaceful. like a foodchain under the sea, like the dark clouds hidden behind the rainbow, like a war under the lovely town. it's a never-ending confusion lies within the beautiful mind of the writer. awakening the nightmare in ur deepest thought while putting them together with the angels in ur soul.
Imagine ure controlling so many things in your writing and in the mean time ure controlled by all the things ure writing bout, at that very moment u fell into a situation, into the world of your imagination, which when this minute it feels like heaven and the next might hurts like hell.

but no matter what the feeling is, certainly it's not meant to be happiness.

I write to record. to put down wat i had in mind ( if only we can do it like Mr.Dumberdoor (x) in Harry Potter). to give my missing soul a softer place to land. and i write, as a prove of my existance.

so no matter wat kinda mood swing brought me here writing today, here i started or should i say CONTINUE writing down my luxurious adventure. the fabulous adventure of my heart & soul.



Darren